Roommate and Suitemate Agreements are an excellent strategy for housing and residence life departments to use to help reduce roommate/suitemate conflict and provide a tool residents can use in navigating conflict when it occurs. There are a number of different approaches one can take to Agreement document development. You can focus on practical habits and behaviors (ex. “”How often will we clean the room?”), expectations (ex. “How will we communicate before agreeing to overnight guests?”, and/or encouraging conversations and dialogue about important topics (ex. “We will inevitably have conflict, share ways you’ve successfully navigated conflict in the past?”).

The following list includes different questions Roompact schools have used over the years in the development of their Agreement documents. Feel free to use and modify these in your own Agreement documents.

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Example Questions

Cleanliness

• How can we have the conversation with one another if something is not clean? Be specific and realistic in your response.
• Some residents keep clothing on their beds, on floors, in closets, or in drawers. Where will clothing be put when not being worn to keep the room clean? Does this expectation look different between personal areas and common areas? As a follow up, is it okay to remove my roommate’s clothes from a shared common space and place them in an appropriate location (ex. roommate’s room, drawer, hamper, closet, etc.)
• Trash must be taken out at least once a week or more often as needed. This will eliminate the risk of pests being attracted to your living space. How will we share this responsibility?
• Where will trash cans be kept? How often will they be emptied? By whom?
• Whether your unit has a kitchen or not, Housing and Residence Life recommends that dishes sit for no longer than 24 hours so that pests are not attracted to your living space. After the use of dishes, what is the expectation in regards to putting them in the dishwasher or washing them in the sink? How will we share the responsibility of putting away clean dishes?

Shared Items

• How will we determine who purchases shared items including cleaning supplies for the Suite.
• What belongings are off limits and should not be shared (hygiene/cleaning products, TV, computer, printer, food/beverages, clothing, furniture/bed, etc.)?
• Can we share our kitchenware? food? clothes? toiletries/cleaning supplies? laptops? appliances (ex. coffee maker, blender, etc.? video game consoles and games? TV(s)?

Guests

• If we have any guest issues, we agree to talk to each other about them. We also agree to follow the Housing and Residence Life guest policies and will inform our RA or the RA on Duty if there are any problems that we cannot resolve ourselves.
• Are you comfortable with your roommate requesting private time in the room to be with a romantic partner? If so, how much advanced notice is required and how would you like to be notified? (e.g., phone call, text, in person)?
• Is it acceptable for guest(s) to use any of my roommates belongings (bed, desk, chair, etc)? If so, what? Be extremely specific here per person:
• Is there a maximum number of guests allowed? If so, how many?
• We agree to ask for approval from each other for overnight guest visits this far in advance:
• Does the gender or relationship to the overnight guest(s) matter (ex. Sibling, platonic friend, significant other, etc.) If so, please explain:
• If we want a guest to leave, how will we let each other know? How should issues or concerns about guests be communicated?

Personal Preferences/Habits

• Are there any cultural, religious, and/or personal beliefs/needs that your roommate(s) should know about (i.e. allergies, storing and/or consuming certain foods, storing and/or consuming alcohol in a 21 and over unit, having opposite gendered guests visit/stay, etc.)?
• Please let your roommates know if you have any allergies, or special accommodations needed to live in the room.
• What are our expectations for personal hygiene (i.e. bathing, laundry, etc.)? How can we have a conversation with each other if these expectations are not being met?
• What rules do we have about intimacy in the room when both roommates are present?
• If I am concerned about another resident’s well-being due to intoxication from alcohol or other drugs I will:
• Everyone has different thoughts about how their room should feel throughout the year. Please describe the type of space you want your room to be (e.g. social, lively, quiet, studious).
• Please use my preferred name, which is as follows:
• We will keep the room at the following temperature range:

Study/Sleep

• Can we sleep with the light on? TV on? Music on? Appliances such as a washing machine, dryer, microwave, blender or dishwasher on? Guests over? Or do we prefer silence in the room?
• Study hours in the room are from [X]to[Y] (example: 8pm-midnight):
• If you are not getting the rest you need, how will you discuss your needs and propose changes to resting hours?
• How many times, if at all, is it acceptable to press the snooze button? What time do you anticipate waking up each day?
• Do we want to set specific hours for studying on certain days of the week? If so, what are those expectations?
• What kind of atmosphere do we want to have when studying in our shared space? When are we most likely to study?
• Are you a heavy or lite sleeper? How will you discuss your needs regarding getting enough restful sleep?

Behaviors

• Housing and Residence Life encourages you to set a time together to have check in conversations as well as these perspective-shaping conversations once per week and as needed as throughout the year. How will we identify that this is occurring? What will “check-ins” look like for us?
• What is the best way to approach each other when we are upset about something?
• Every person has a pet peeve that really gets on their nerves. Knowing your roommates’ pet peeves will help you and your roommate get along. List pet peeves here:
• Social media. Yeah, it can help your roommate relationship, but if done negatively, it’ll hurt. Residents reported that when they positively interacted with each other on social media once a week, they had a better relationship. Now don’t overdo it, but a few times a month can actually be beneficial. What social media platforms is each roommate(s) active on?
• As you will be living together for the next year, you will be a little more than ‘just acquaintances.’ If you want to continue to build your relationship, you’ll need to do things together more than just coexisting. When residents were not engaging with each other at least one time per week, they saw their roommate relationship suffer. Other than your common interests, things such as having conversations, going places together, sharing meals, etc. help build your relationship! Think about some of things you both like to do and list them here:
• When issues or concerns related to policies such as such as alcohol, drug use/possession, smoking, damage/vandalism, prohibited items, overnight visitation, unauthorized guests, etc. come up, how will we address them?
• It is inevitable that there will be conflict in your room at some point in time. This is okay and a completely natural occurrence between roommates. This can be a result of an action from either you or your roommate(s) or something was communicated in an unproductive manner (ex. raised voice, silent treatment, passive aggressive social media post, talking to other people behind your back). Understandably, it’s hard to be patient and understanding with your roommate in times of conflict. However, being passive aggressive and ceasing communication between you and your roommate is one of the worst things you can do. Roommates were able to resolve conflicts more successfully when they were understanding and patient with their roommate when something negative happened. We agree that when we have conflict, we will take responsibility and address the conflict in a healthy and effective way.
• How do you each want to be approached when you’re stressed? (ex. Do I want to be left alone? Do I want my roommate(s) to ask if I need anything?)
• What do we need from each other when we are stressed/upset?
• How will my roommate know that I am stressed (ex. Short temper, crankiness, changes in sleep, being withdrawn, etc)?
• It is possible that your roommate will experience a difficult time during the time you spend together this year. They could return from class after receiving a poor grade, experience a breakup with a significant other, or something else. Your actions with your roommate during their difficult time can help them out a great deal and improve your relationship. Sometimes you don’t even need to do anything but simply hear them out. When one of us is experiencing a difficult time, we would like our roommate(s) to do the following for each of us?
• How will your roommate(s) know if you need some time alone?
• Your roommate should be a good friend, but shouldn’t be your only friend! You’ll need a break from each other every once in a while. You should take some time to develop friendships with people outside of your roommate(s) and socialize with them. It doesn’t seem like something that would help your roommate relationship, but it will. The only thing that would hurt your relationship is if you talked with others about your roommate behind their back in a negative manner. We understand that having relationships outside of the roommate relationship are important and healthy. We agree to not talk negatively about each other to other people. We agree to discuss any issues that arise between us together in a productive manner. We understand that we can contact our RA or the RA on Duty for advice or help having these conversations.

Suites/Apartments

• Can guests sleep in the common spaces? Can guests study in the common spaces?
• Who will clean the kitchen? How often will the kitchen be cleaned?
• Who will clean the bathroom? How often will the bathroom be cleaned?
• How often will we do the following things: clean the toilet, clean the sink, clean the shower?
• What items in the common areas are off limits?

General

• Are there any other living arrangements that need to be defined?
• How will we communicate concerns?
• What will we do when we can’t reach an agreement?

Reminders/Agree To…

• Learning can take place anywhere. If your roommate comes from a different background, be curious, be brave, begin the learning process by starting the conversation with your peers from around the World!
• Residents may choose to identify themselves within the campus community with a preferred first and/or middle name that differs from their legal name. Always use your roommate’s preferred name.
• No guest or resident may be in the presence of alcohol if under 21 years of age. This includes refrigerators, cabinets, etc.
• At all times, all students are to abide by all rules and regulations as outlined in the Student Code of Conduct.
• I will not put my roommate in danger of documentation by ensuring that our shared space is free of contraband.
• Courtesy hours are 24/7. If a roommate or neighbor asks you to lower your volume, please comply.
• All roommates are required to lock and close the door when leaving the room.
• If we cannot settle the matter, we will consult with our RA to resolve the dispute.
• Shared items should be returned in the same condition that you borrowed them in. If not, you are responsible for any damage.
• All roommates must not give permanent keys, ID cards, or access cards to anyone other than the owners of the room.

Rights

• Each roommate has the right to
  • feel secure against intimidation, physical and/or emotional harm.
  • be communicated with openly and honestly to ensure concerns are addressed and conflict resolution occurs as necessary.
  • personal privacy.
  • expect reasonable communication and cooperation in the use of shared belongings.
  • live in a clean environment.
  • live in a drug free environment and not be disrupted by a roommate under the influence.
  • access one’s unit and common areas at all times.
  • host guests provided that they respect the rights of the host’s roommate(s).
  • be informed of guests coming to the room in advance.
  • sleep, study, and live without distractions in the room.
  • read and study in one’s room.
  • sleep without undue disturbance from noise, guests, etc.
  • expect respect for one’s personal belongings.
  • free access to one’s room and facilities without pressure from a roommate.
  • address grievances.
  • be free from fear of intimidation, physical and/or emotional harm, and racial, sexual or other prejudicial harassment.

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Further Resources on Agreements…