In this episode of Roompact’s ResEdChat, Crystal talks with Matt Nelson, Director of Residence Life at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, about what it means to lead with intention and care. Our guest shares how values like recognition, patience, and empathy shape their approach to supervision and offers practical, creative strategies to support diverse teams, build morale, and stay grounded as a leader.
Guests: Matt Nelson (he/him/his), Director of Residence Life, University of Nebraska-Lincoln
Host: Crystal Lay
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About ResEdChat
Roompact’s ResEdChat podcast is a platform to showcase people doing great work and talk about hot topics in residence life and college student housing. If you have a topic idea for an episode, let us know!
Transcript:
Crystal Lay:
Hello and welcome back to Roompact’s Res Ed Chat podcast. This is a platform where we showcase people who are doing great things, talking about great topics in residence life and college student housing. I’m your host, Crystal Lay. I use the she/her series pronouns. Today we’re going to be talking about a topic that we should talk about, but I don’t know if we talk about it often. I’m not even sure if it’s standardized across our field of housing, but it’s something a lot of us do. Yep. Supervision. That’s what we’re going to talk about today. As I thought about the folks who do this really well and have some tips to share with us, one person came to mind and so I’m very excited. He’s here to talk to us today about purposeful supervision. And so I will have our guests start off by introducing themselves.
Matt Nelson:
Well, hello everyone. Crystal, thanks for having me. I appreciate it. This is super fun. My name is Matt Nelson. I serve as the director of residence life at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. I use he/him/his pronouns, and I’m just so delighted to be with you today and talk more about this topic, a little bit about me. Oh gosh. I’ve been in my role for probably three, three-ish years, three and a half-ish years and been in the field for more than that. But have been at my current institution for about five years and have really grown to love leading the team and growing the next set of leaders. Personally, it’s fun at home. Married to my wife Megan, and we have three kiddos, so a little bit of a circus at home, but it’s super fun. But Crystal, thanks for having me.
Crystal Lay:
Of course. And I also have three kiddos and have been in my job three years. How about that, Matt? So let’s get started. My first thing I want to talk to you about is I saw you do this presentation on purposeful supervision. And so can you tell me what is purposeful supervision and then what are some practical ways that you bring the concept or ideas into your daily work?
Matt Nelson:
Yeah. Good question. Well, supervision, it’s more than just managing people. You know that. It’s really more about leadership. We throw around the word supervision, we throw around the term management, but really what we’re asking folks to do in housing residence life is to be leaders, right? Leaders of people. And so I think that’s what purposeful supervision means to me. It’s more about checking boxes and punching clocks and things. It’s about role modeling, rolling up your sleeves and getting to know your staff and helping them grow and develop as humans too. So yeah. It was fun presenting on this topic. And what I did, I made purposeful an acronym and that was super cutesy and fun. Very Res Life. But for me, being really intentional, purposeful is a synonym to that.
So when do I show up and why? Where should I be even if no one’s asking me to be there? So I think about that in terms of space and occupying space and being with your team. I think about being purposeful and recognizing folks too. And how they appreciate being recognized. You could even think about love languages. What’s the way that I might show love and how would other people want to receive that recognition too? That all is about relationships. And so I think at the end of the day, all of this is about people. We hire a lot of folks in housing and residence life, and I often think about what’s the skill that cuts across everything, and it’s the social skill, it’s the emotional intelligence. I can teach you how to do the job. I can’t really teach you how to be really intentional, purposeful, and care. And so that’s what I think it’s all about. It’s about people being really thoughtful and intentional and showing up for your team.
Crystal Lay:
I love it. So it’s more than check boxes. It’s really how are you getting to know folks? How are you being intentional and thoughtful and connecting with folks even when you’re not asked to. Oh, I love that, Matt. So I think about it’s more than managing, it’s also being a leader, which you talked about. What are some leadership values that shape how you supervise? And then how did you discover those?
Matt Nelson:
Oh, yeah. Well, I think lots of you out there probably read Dr. Brené Brown materials, and I love her quote, who we are is how we lead. Who we are is how we lead. So how I lead and supervise and that sort of thing is a reflection of who I am as a person too. And so there is some deep personal work that comes with this, I think. And so for me personally, what shapes, I think back to growing up. What values did mom and dad instill in me? Well, hard work, rolling up your sleeves, never asking somebody to do something that you weren’t willing to pitch in and help with. My dad worked retail his whole career. I remember as a kid, he is a little taller than I am and his stride is much longer and walking the floor of Sears … You remember Sears?
Crystal Lay:
Yes.
Matt Nelson:
Walking the floor of Sears. He was like 10 paces ahead of me because he was just cruising. What I learned from that was he knew everyone’s name at that store from his assistant manager, the sales associate to the person who’s cleaning the floors overnights. And he’d say hello to everyone and get to know them. And that’s the kind of thing that I think maybe has instilled in me that I don’t necessarily oversee our hospitality staff, but darn it, I care about them. And so I think it’s a little bit about how you grew up, a little bit about your formative experiences in the profession. I think about some good supervisors I’ve had and some not so good supervisors I’ve had. And I’ve learned a lot from all of those people and how I translate that into my work.
So yeah. Hard work, showing up. Presence is really important to me and the recognition part. So fun today. You’re catching me on a day that I got to do a lot of fun stuff. We welcomed a couple new staff members and we did a big lunch. We got together and that’s what we’re talking about. That’s one small little nugget, one thing in the jar. And then actually tonight we’re going to get together and celebrate the end of a good year. And so I think it’s as a leader taking the opportunities when they present themselves, like man, those little things make a big difference.
Crystal Lay:
They totally do. And you talk about presence, and I think you’re also talking about warmth and the environment that you want to create. And how do we take what we’ve learned or maybe are unlearning and help that contribute to a space where folks want to be at work? More often than not is what I like to say. And what is your role as a supervisor to help maybe shape that or facilitate some of that space? So I think that when you look at the different humans that are on your team, everyone’s coming from different places. Different upbringings, different backgrounds, different prior work experience or even their first job. And so as you look at teams supervising a team, there’s different strengths, knees can be pretty complicated. What are some intentional things that you think folks can do to make sure that everyone on your team feels supported and that they can thrive?
Matt Nelson:
Yeah. You’re right. All of us need something different. Each time you and I have switched career, job, institutions, that relationship’s different and you navigate it just a little bit different and you come more prepared with what you actually need. And so I do think about that. Right now I have six direct reports and each of them are different humans. So one silly little example is our one-on-ones. How often would you like to have a one-on-one? That’s personal decision. So some of them I meet bi-weekly with and some I get to meet weekly with. And that was a decision that they got to make. Even again, as little as this is how do you want to set an agenda? Do you want come with a OneNote file and we both can see it or share document or are you going to come with a piece of paper and that’s your agenda? This is your time, what would you like it to be? And so as little as that is, I think that’s representative for, yeah, the work’s going to get done. How we get there doesn’t always necessarily matter. And so when we work with staff and we tailor these experiences, I think is really important. So tailoring experiences is really smart. The mark of a purposeful supervisor.
And I think the other thing related comes down to trust. Trust and understanding. We all are humans outside of this eight to five or eight to eight or over 24 hours sometimes. We have lives outside of that. Some folks have family. You and I talked about our kids. Some of us have family obligations. Some people don’t. That doesn’t mean they don’t have a life outside of here. And so there are times when a staff member will come and say, “I got to go.” And sometimes that means that’s all they tell me and sometimes based on the relationship we have, they tell me more. And that’s fine. Go. The work will still be here when you get back .what can I cover for you while you’re away? I don’t need to nickel and dime you. Well, how are you going to make up those hours? You better take vacation. And maybe I’m a little on the one end of that, but man, if we trust our people, I think it goes a long way.
Crystal Lay:
I’m like, “Matt, be my supervisor.” I love my supervisor. There’s this calming sense that you bring of let’s communicate, let’s build trust, let’s talk about what we need. And as long as the work is getting done, we could do some good work together in the supervisor relationship. I like how you talked about asking them questions. What do you need? Here’s the outcome and we got to get there. But how we get there is really dependent upon who the human is in that conversation.
I want to talk a little bit about empathy. And when things get tricky, accountability and empathy. Now let’s say you do have someone who continuously says, “I have to leave at 3:45.” And then their colleagues are noticing, but you know there’s other pieces to the story and you have to make sure you’re being equitable. So I’m talking about that balance between holding someone accountable and also being compassionate. How do you do that? How do you navigate situations where you’re like, “Oh, my heart goes out to you and I need you to be here.” Does that make sense?
Matt Nelson:
Totally. Oh my gosh. As I think about these two things, I think sometimes we think that in order to hold someone accountable, I got to … Gosh. I don’t know how to say this. I got to put the critique inside of a sandwich. And that’s an okay approach. But I guess what I see more is you should just baseline expect that as a purposeful supervisor, there’s a lot of empathy and there’s a lot of understanding and care for you as a person. And so when I think about accountability, when I need to hold someone accountable or have a hard conversation, I already have that baseline. I don’t have to pretend that, oh, all of a sudden now I’m empathetic so that I can get to some harder message, make you feel good, and then get to a hard message that you trust.
I think a lot of folks that … Going back to Brené Brown. Clear is kind. And so when we grow up in residence life and probably any field, but let’s pick on ourselves a little, we’re not very good about being super direct. Well, I told him that. Did you or did you beat around that bush? Right. And so I guess two things are true. One, having that relationship so that it’s consistent. It’s always including empathy and understanding and care. And so that when there are hard days and you’re like, man, we got to talk about a tough topic and just lean in and be really direct about it. Clear is kind, as Brené Brown says, and I think that that’s what this is meant to be. And so a lot of the times as you do that, the more often we do that as supervisors, I think the staff come to expect it. And then what I found is I don’t actually have to address it. I might say, “Hey, could we talk about X, Y, or Z?” And then that person will reflect on it and I don’t end up actually doing much talking.
I do think if folks understand I’m not in trouble. And yes, there are certain times when we need to work through some more serious personnel things. The most part we’re just trying to redirect. And when we’re trying to redirect, you’re not in trouble. I just want to help you be more successful next time. And so let me provide you some context. I don’t know if that really answered your question, but as I was thinking about accountability, it’s like it’s really easy to do when the person trusts you and that you care about them. That warmth. I think as you mentioned earlier.
Crystal Lay:
Yeah. Because you talked about, I think some folks do feel like I’m in trouble. Oh my gosh, what do I do? Or I’m going to get fired. I have to meet with … If you have a relationship, if you have the luxury and enough time is built up … Because maybe it’s three days in. But if you’ve built enough time and you’re operating in the green with this human, it’s really sitting down and say, “Hey, this thing happened. Let’s talk through it. What would you do differently? What might’ve been the impact or the ripple? How do we team up? I want to partner with you.” Versus the, “You did these 12 things great, you were late five times and you’re such a wonderful human.” I think that’s really tricky. So I do like how you talk through the different pieces and you really tie it back to again, intention, purpose, and being kind. And like you said, clear is kind. There’s no good that can come from these awkward beating around the bush conversations, in my opinion.
So I wonder, you are a very empathetic, compassionate human. And then I imagine at some point you got to put your mask on first. So holding space for all these folks. So the things that they’re going through, they’re trying to navigate, and then you have families you’re trying to support in the workspace, you have your own life, all this stuff. How do you stay grounded and model self-care and boundaries for your team while also trying to be a leader and do all of your responsibilities?
Matt Nelson:
Yeah. Oh man, I wish you and I had the silver bullet here. We’d make good money and we’d help a lot of people I think. I am by no means the pinnacle or model of self-care and boundaries, but each year I think I learn a little bit more. And I think what helps me is really thinking about, okay, if I were in my staff’s shoes or their staff’s shoes, what is the message I’m sending if I’m sending this email at 8:00 P.M. at night? So I’ve gotten a little bit more thoughtful on, okay, I might choose to spend a little bit of time earlier in the morning or later in the evening to do some of the things that I want to get off my plate. But I don’t really want to … Maybe this is secrecy. I’m letting out my secrets. But I don’t really need to cue anyone else in on that. That’s my own personal choice. That shouldn’t make you feel one particular way. And so if I can do that thing a little bit more covertly, that’s what I try and do. Because I don’t think anyone’s under this … I don’t know. I don’t think there’s any secret that in housing and dining and residence life, we work weird hours sometimes. So I think that’s one thing.
The thing that helps me because I do need a good excuse. My family, I live a little bit farther away. When I have an obligation that helps me. So a couple of things for me. I’m in a carpool. If the carpool leaves. If I don’t go, I will not have a ride home. That helps me. Okay. I got to go. I got to move. I have another life I need to live at home. I’ve got other obligations. Or I’ve coached the kids’ soccer teams or whatever before. And sometimes that means I leave early and I work out my stuff on my end, but the staff know. And I think a little bit of that humanness, the outside of the work stuff helps them feel like, “Oh yeah, I can do that too.” We have a staff member too who just had a senior in high school and they were doing all the final things and they were like, “I’d like to be at these final things.” Absolutely, you should be there. So I think it’s not always what they’re seeing from us, but it’s also saying yes to experiences so they can … Again, we are going to get the work done, and that might mean you shift your schedule and that sort of thing, get it done.
I think for me, what I struggle with Crystal is I sometimes hold things when I should ask for more help. So if you came to our campus and asked, is Matt very good at modeling self-care and boundaries? They might say not bad, not like the pinnacle but not bad. What he struggles with is … And I think it’s this maybe an interior dialogue with myself. I don’t want to put that in on anyone else, so I’m going to just hold it when I could very well … We have very talented people who could help with those things. So I think it’s more like, it’s not really his job, but he’s doing it anyways, which is maybe the curse of some of these other leadership qualities and values that I have. But that’s where I get in a pickle if I’m being honest.
Crystal Lay:
I appreciate your honesty. I think there’s also the other side of it where there’s … I don’t want to say too much trust. But leaning into, they’re talented, they’re great, they got it, peace out. I’ll see you tomorrow. And you’re just not aware of when you are needed. And so what is that balance of delegation? But then also, as you said earlier, when we started talking, rolling up your sleeves. We had some folks leave early for other jobs. I’m excited for them. And that meant that there were some work that needed to be done. And so Matt, I put on these rubber glove things and I was opening doors in one of our tower buildings and with the student staff, and I’m checking drawers with them. I could have said, “Figure it out.” But I was like, “No. I’m going to roll up my sleeves. I’m going to get in there with you. My title does not equal … I can’t pull out some drawers and check rooms with you for closing.” But it would’ve been easy to say, “Oh, well, I got to get caught up,” or blah, blah, blah.
So I think there’s that balance of how are you aware of how your leadership and what you’re modeling can potentially impact your team? And then also still that how do you care for yourself and prioritize the things that make you who are and I think you articulated those very well. All right. So you talked about your team’s doing some fun things today, which is super exciting. And so I want to go a little bit more into this team morale piece. So as a supervisor, how do you support your staff? How do you help them feel supported when things are tricky or hard or even some quirky or creative ways that you’ve worked to get the team excited or keep them in a really cool headspace for work?
Matt Nelson:
Oh my gosh. I don’t think I’m doing any rocket science over here necessarily. But I think small things over the course of time, demonstrate your care at any level. You could do that as an entry level hall director. You can do those things and put in … If we have RDs listening, when was the last time you went on rounds with your RAs? Could you use that as a, Hey, I know you got a busy week ahead, can I take that from you? Those are the sorts of little things. They become a little bit more complex, the larger the team. And so what we’ve tried to do is pretty … We’re in year three of this idea of each year we set a vision and it’s just for that year. And we rally around that and it cascades. It’s something that the professional staff get behind and our student staff know about, and even some of the residents know about it too, which is fun. And so the past couple of years I’ve just, I don’t know, figured out what made sense. And so at the beginning of the year, they get a little sticker with the vision and we talk about what does this actually mean? So this year our vision is commit to care. So it’s snappy. It’s something everyone can see themselves in.
In our organization, we have front desk, traditional residence life, live in staff, RAs, plus occupancy and learning communities, and now some customer service stuff. Something that cuts across that organization. How do I see myself in this big picture? This sticker … And at the end of the year tonight, everyone would get a coaster with the vision on. Mid-year, this is my little guy, here you go. You can see him. He’s a little-
Crystal Lay:
So cute.
Matt Nelson:
3D printed little thing. And just like I’m not out anything. That was just a, Hey, what you’re doing is important. A handwritten note here and there, and recognizing people. At the end of every department meeting, we do a bravo box. These are just little things that I think do make a big difference. And for me, I try … I think it’s next week. Every month or so I try and do an open office hour and it’s just, Hey, I’m going to be here. If you want to hang out, I got coffee and soda. You can hang out. I think it’s just showing up and being around and … You’re really good at this too. Walking around. What do I see? Where can I be that people maybe don’t expect me to be and how can I help? So I don’t think it’s rocket science, but it does take time and you got to be thinking about it because really easy in our roles to just forget about that.
Crystal Lay:
I like that you gave some practical tips and some ideas of what folks can try. And I wonder for anyone who is currently supervising who might feel like this empathy, this care piece feels hard or maybe was raised in a way where it doesn’t feel like that’s a part of the work. Maybe they’re sitting more of a manager or the checkboxes. What are the things that feel like a little bit more safe or this entry into that is care, but maybe doesn’t go into what might feel like this vulnerable or flowery language? Does that make sense, Matt?
Matt Nelson:
Yeah. Totally. Yeah. What’s an easy first step?
Crystal Lay:
Yeah.
Matt Nelson:
Easy first step. You probably have access to when people’s birthdays are. Easy first step is buy a stack of Amazon … I’m not getting paid from Amazon here. Amazon birthday cards. You can get a pack of 20 for 10 bucks or something and write them a note on their birthday. And maybe note writing’s not your thing, but that’s why you bought a card. It already has a note in there. Maybe that’s what you do. Or similarly, you know when their first day of work was. When did they start at the institution? On that day every year write them a, Hey, thanks for your service. I really appreciate it. Those are pretty low risk things. We’re not going to get into too many personal things. If you’re like Matt, it’s going to take me a minute to get comfortable with that, those might be some really easy, not flashy by any means either if you’re … Well, I’m not sure about recognizing people publicly and how they feel about that. That’s a pretty private way to still say, “Hey, I see you and I’m glad you’re here.”
Crystal Lay:
I love those. And when you talked about getting a card. I also thought about if you have an admin assistant or even a student assistant, have them make door decks for your direct reports. I make my own door decks fun. But I think even making a door deck, something that is a part of the fabric of what we do, could definitely add to the really cool vibe that you want to have using my teenager words here. So I want to talk about a supervision moment that you had going back to you that surprised or humbled you. And then what did it teach you about how to lead more effectively? How does it inform how you show up every day now as a supervisor?
Matt Nelson:
Oh man, that’s tough. I’m humbled every day. Getting to work with smart people and learn from them. I don’t think any of us know all the answers. And so thinking about, okay, well, what do you think we should do here? Often somebody comes in and says, “Hey, this thing’s happening. I don’t know what to do.” “Well, what do you think we should do?” And there’s probably some socratic method there. But sometimes it’s like, “I don’t know what to do either. What do you think? You’ve been thinking about this longer. What do you think about it?” And most of the time they’re arriving at the answer. They just need somebody to talk to.
And so I think I’m humbled every day, but in terms of a big moment in the past handful of years, I’ve had the opportunity to grow in the places that I am at. And what that has presented is that sometimes who was once my peer, I am now supervising. And that’s happened to me a couple different times. And each time … Again, back to where we started, it’s about that personal relationship you have with that other human. Hey, yeah, the relationship’s a little different, but it doesn’t need to be a lot different. And so that’s one thing that I think I was really uncomfortable with at the beginning. Like, “Oh, this is going to be weird. How would I feel if this were me?” And so I was really nervous and tried to be really thoughtful and intentional and then happened again a couple of times. I think it’s just leaning into that and being really honest. Like Hey, I know this is a little weird, but I’m really excited to keep learning from you.
I had one staff member who was in an area that I didn’t know a lot about. So it was, Hey, I don’t know. I’m still learning. Can you help me and be my expert here? I think you win a lot when you don’t assume. You don’t come in, we’re going to do it this whole other way. I think that soft approach. And yeah, it might mean you’re moving really slow or what feels like really slow. And maybe sometimes that means your boss is, Hey, let’s go. We got to move faster. But man, there’s power in being purposeful. And sometimes that means you move a little bit slower and we all work at institutions of higher education. It is sometimes like turning a cruise ship. And so I think it’s okay to expectation sometimes. Yeah. I found success in being really honest and then also being patient. I guess maybe that’s the best way of saying it.
Crystal Lay:
Yeah. I had a colleague once that said, “Sometimes we need to hurry, but we don’t need to rush.” And so I like this idea of being patient and that piece about trust the process and really lean into the moment. Because if you sit in the moment, I think you have a better ability to influence positive change over a longer term when you slow down. All right. Here’s the big question. It popped in my brain. I want to know if you could create … This is the fun question, Matt. I’m so excited. So if you could create a superpower that every supervisor could have, what would it be and why?
Matt Nelson:
That I could just zap them with. Okay. There are so many. I think at the end of the day, it’s about, we’ll call it emotional intelligence. Well think about giving you an answer, which really includes 10 answers. So it’s maybe cheating. But again, where we started, I can teach you how to do the functions of the job. I haven’t figured out … Maybe Crystal, you’ve got the answer here. I haven’t figured out how to help someone care about another person or be able to have conversations. We all don’t need to start and be able to have conversations that are really difficult right away. But the fact that you have the ability to carry on a conversation, you can pick up on verbal and nonverbal cues. You’ve got that empathy mode. You understand when someone’s telling you something, but they’re not really telling you something. They didn’t use those words, but you need to pick up on it. I think that’s the superpower that makes for a successful supervisor. Because again, it’s all about people. We win when we’re thinking about our people.
And so whether that’s presence or recognition or just, yeah, I know you have a whole life outside of here and man, you’re not telling me why you’re leaving, but I know this, this, and this, and I think there’s something going on and I’m going to think about that. So I think it’s emotional intelligence. I think it’s just being really thoughtful and caring and perceptive.
Crystal Lay:
And I would also say being curious. There was a little bit wrapped up in that, and it’s been a thread throughout our conversation so far, is this curiosity that you have. You lean into this, tell me more deal. So I really love that about who you are as a human and then what you’ve shared today. So we are at the end of our time Matt. If folks wanted to learn more about purposeful supervision, where do you think they should start? Do you have any recommendations?
Matt Nelson:
Well, we’ve said Brené Brown’s name a few times, so that feels like a natural spot. Dare to lead. A good appetizer, Simon Sinek’s Leaders Eat Last. Wow, we’re going with the food theme here, I guess today. They’re both lovely humans. They’re not telling you anything you don’t know. But man, the amount of times that I underline or highlight or earmark in those books, that would be an interesting place to start, I think.
Crystal Lay:
Okay. I think those are great. And we’re going to get those added to the show notes so folks can check those out. Matt, this was such a wonderful conversation. I learned so much, and there’s some pauses that you created for me, and so I’m going to sit with that and figure out how I want to differently supervise and be more intentional and purposeful. So thank you for joining me today.
Matt Nelson:
Yeah. Crystal, thanks so much. This was so fun.
Crystal Lay:
Yay. And thank you to all of you all for tuning in on this episode of Res Ed Chat. If you have an idea for a topic or a person that you would like us to have on the show, please reach out to us here at Roompact. Take care.
