I recently read The Serviceberry by Robin Wall Kimmerer and percolated on the ideas of reciprocity in human connections. In “The Serviceberry: An Economy of Abundance,” the author, a botanist by training, explores how ecological relationships can inspire a shift from extractive, scarcity-driven economies to systems rooted in reciprocity, mutual flourishing, and gratitude. Using the serviceberry plant as a model (it’s a real tree!), she examines how we can learn from nature and Indigenous wisdom to create more sustainable and equitable systems, emphasizing the interconnectedness of all living things.
Kimmerer highlights three main points:
Reciprocity over Transaction: Kimmerer critiques capitalist, market-based economies and proposes a gift economy inspired by nature, where value is created and shared through relationships rather than individual accumulation.
Ecological Models for Human Systems: She uses the serviceberry tree and its role in ecosystems as a metaphor for interconnectedness, advocating for economic and social systems that mirror ecological balance and mutual care.
Reframing Abundance and Value: The essay challenges conventional definitions of wealth and abundance, suggesting that true prosperity lies in the richness of relationships, community well-being, and sustainable interdependence with the natural world.
At the same time as I was reading The Serviceberry, I was writing my self-appraisal and the annual appraisals for the staff I supervise. While writing, I kept reflecting on how I can best situate feedback to honor the relationships I’ve developed and how doing so might make feedback received healthily. In Residence Life, relationships are at the core of everything we do. From fostering inclusive communities to supporting student development, our success as professionals is deeply tied to how well we connect with and support our student staff. The annual feedback and review process is one of the most powerful—and often underutilized—tools for deepening those connections. Rather than treating annual reviews as a formality, Residence Life professionals can use them as intentional moments of mentorship and affirmation.
Conflict Mediation & Emotional Intelligence
Original Behavior Observed: Handled roommate conflicts with empathy and fairness.
Disconnected Feedback: “Handles roommate issues well. Residents seem to like them.”
Reciprocal Feedback: “I appreciated how you guided your residents through a difficult roommate disagreement in October. You listened without judgment, asked thoughtful questions, and helped both parties arrive at a compromise. This was a strong demonstration of your emotional intelligence and your ability to de-escalate tense situations. Your thoughtful approach reassured residents that their concerns were valid and encouraged them to be accountable to one another.”
Commitment to Growth & Feedback
Original Behavior Observed: Approached staff one-on-ones and feedback sessions as opportunities for development rather than formalities.
Disconnected Feedback: “Attended most 1:1s and filled out the self-evaluation form.”
Reciprocal Feedback: “You have consistently demonstrated a strong commitment to self-reflection and professional growth. In our 1:1s, you’ve come prepared with thoughtful insights and a willingness to engage in dialogue about areas for improvement. This level of investment has allowed for more meaningful conversations and helped us tailor goals that align with your strengths and developmental areas.”
Specific, genuine feedback reinforces strengths and shows that you’re paying attention. By developing this practice as a natural aspect of working in residence life, we can push back on a long-term challenge I have seen year over year. Many annual appraisal processes include a self-reflection aspect. I have tried many ways to show that I need staff to be invested in this process to have a meaningful conversation. Rooting feedback in the relationship has been the best way I’ve been successful.
When discussing areas for growth, a relational approach goes a long way. Let’s say an RA has struggled with timely programming documentation. Instead of stating, “You need to submit reports on time,” reframe it as, “I know how much effort you put into your programs—like the ‘Self-Care Sunday’ event, which residents really loved. I want to make sure your work is fully captured and recognized, and completing documentation on time helps us do that.” This approach connects feedback to their values and contributions, making it feel supportive rather than punitive.
The review conversation itself should feel like a two-way dialogue. Invite reflection by asking questions like, “What part of this role has helped you grow the most?” or “What support do you need to feel more confident in your next semester?” This not only empowers the student staff but also gives insight into their needs and aspirations, helping professionals tailor future support and development plans.
When we treat feedback as an extension of our relationship with student staff, it becomes more than a checklist—it becomes a moment of recognition, encouragement, and growth. Annual reviews, when done with care and specificity, reinforce our investment in student leaders as whole people, not just positions. That investment lays the groundwork for a stronger, more connected residential community.
