RA*Chat Ep 89: Shine Brightly Without Burning Out: Tips for Introverts in Housing

Crystal Lay:
Hello and welcome back to Roompact’s Res Ed Chat podcast where we, today, are doing a special RA chat edition. We’re going to talk about issues of importance to our RAs and our students, staff members who work in housing and Residence Life. I’m your host, Crystal Lay. I use a she, her series pronouns. Today we’re talking to a guest about a really cool topic, I think. We’re going to talk about whether or not you can be an introvert and a leader. This topic came about because I met this wonderful human at a conference and they were sharing some of the pieces that they were involved in, and I was really excited. We had a great conversation and it just felt so easy. Not too long after that, we were sitting at the same table and I overheard them sharing that they were an introvert, and I was surprised by that. Why was I surprised? So that’s why I thought let’s learn more about if you can be an introvert and a leader. So with that, I’ll have our guest introduce themselves.

Brooks Hetle:
Hi, I’m Brooks Hetle, use he, him, his pronouns, and I serve as an associate director of Residence Life at North Dakota State University. And for the calendar year 2024, I’m also serving as the UMR-ACUHO President.

Crystal Lay:
Again, so happy to have you here. I love all the things that you are involved in, and thanks for making time, I know it’s a busy time of year. So let’s start. Can you tell us how did you become involved in leadership roles?

Brooks Hetle:
I started off my involvement very early on in elementary, middle school and high school through 4-H and FFA. So I really got my start there and then got involved in a lot of other clubs and organizations in high school, and that certainly continued on during my college career, getting involved as a resident assistant, involved in our student government on campus. And so I feel like being involved has always been a part of who I am, and that certainly has continued on into my personal and professional life after college.

Crystal Lay:
Okay. Follow up, what’s FFA?

Brooks Hetle:
Yeah, so FFA used to stand for the Future Farmers of America, but it is the National FFA Organization. So a lot of times, if you’ve seen the blue jacket people, the blue corduroy jackets, but it is a student-led organization that is connected to agricultural education. And so there’s classes that are involved in high school. The FFA is the student organization, and then there’s also a component for work-based experience. So a lot of my leadership came through FFA, which has its roots in agriculture and leadership.

Crystal Lay:
You got really excited when you talked about that, like your eyes lit up. And so I can assume that might be your favorite leadership opportunity, but I still want to ask the question, what has been one of your most enjoyable leadership opportunities, maybe from college? Why? And then how does it apply to the work you do now?

Brooks Hetle:
Absolutely. So I think there was two very pivotal experiences that I had when I was in college. The first was my freshman year in college when I was serving as a state FFA officer. So being able to serve the state of North Dakota and do a lot of traveling within the state and even across the region and across the nation, I was able to attend the State President’s Conference, which is now called the Summit in Washington, DC, and do some advocacy with legislators attending the National FFA Convention, which back in the day when I was a state officer, was in Louisville, Kentucky. Now it’s in Indianapolis, Indiana. But that was really transformative for me. I actually have a part-time job right now with the National FFA Organization as a facilitator for state officer programs. So now I’m on the flip side where I have the opportunity to train state FFA officers and be a part of their journey over the course of their year of service, which is really cool. So I think that was one very pivotal leadership experience for me when I was in college.
The second one was being able to serve as student body president and being involved in student government. And for my journey there, I actually ran for student body president running, or going into my junior year, and actually lost that election. So I think I learned a lot through that experience and still being a part of student government, even after I lost that election, but then running again going into my senior year and then winning that election and being able to serve as student body president my senior year in college.

Crystal Lay:
Those are some roles where you have to get up in front of a lot of people. I would imagine, there’s a lot of talking, there’s a lot of energy invested into leading those spaces and all those humans. And you’re an introvert. So how does that influence your leadership style? And then, do you think that those traits manifest in every introvert?

Brooks Hetle:
I think it’s really situational and it depends on the person. I think that’s a typical answer we give in student affairs, and so especially our student staff and student leaders that are listening to this or watching this, you probably hear of that from your supervisors or mentors, a lot of, “Well, it depends.” Or, “Context matters.” And so for me, when I started off, I took the Myers-Briggs inventory and found out, based off that assessment, that I have a pretty strong preference or tendency towards being an introvert. I’m also a huge Gallup person and CliftonStrengths, and so some of my top five strengths also relate to things that bring me or draw me energy individually. But I think, yeah, just having that overall awareness of yourself and being able to figure out what that looks like for you.
And as I’ve continued on in my personal professional development, I think now the way I would define myself is a situational extrovert. So I know when I need to turn it on when I’m in front of those large groups of people or I need to be around people a lot. That does bring me energy, but I also know that, at the end of that, I need my alone time or I need time to process through that or even to do that to prepare for those experiences. So while yes, maybe Myers-Briggs or CliftonStrengths, Enneagram or some of those other ones might give you specific language to use, you can certainly figure out what works for you. So now I would call myself a situational extrovert.

Crystal Lay:
I love that, Brooks. Now, people will not believe I’m an introvert, but I am. I am an introvert. And I think when you tie it to, oh, well this person, they’re really loud or they’re in front of people, there’s no way. What are some other misconceptions do you think that are out there about folks who lean more toward introversion?

Brooks Hetle:
Yeah, I think you hit a lot of the main ones. I think some of the other ones is maybe they’re not very friendly or why are they just off by themselves? A lot of times they might be observant, so they’re just getting a lay of the land or checking out their environment to see where’s the best place that they can add value or how do they want to contribute to the conversation or the situation. So just giving people that time and space to assess the situation. What are some other misconceptions? I think the other maybe big one too, is that we don’t necessarily want to be around people or that we don’t want to be involved. We do. It just might look different than someone that might have more extroversion and again, draws their energy from being around people. We still want to be around people, again, it just might look a little bit different.

Crystal Lay:
I like that. It just looks different with how we engage and where we get our energy from and how we recharge. So is there anything that you enjoy the most about being an introvert? Is there a favorite thing?

Brooks Hetle:
I think, again, as I’ve gotten older and I’ve learned this, maybe I didn’t necessarily enjoy it when I was in college or even in grad school, but I actually like my alone time. I don’t mind being alone, and I think there’s a great piece in that. So whether it is just hanging out at home at the end of the day, maybe it’s on a weekend, and just having that time to myself, or even going out to a restaurant and eating by myself or I typically eat on campus in the dining center. And I know, especially for college students, that can be a huge nerve-wracking thing, is going to the dining center or maybe to a food court and eating by yourself. As I’ve gotten older, again, now that I’m years removed from that, I don’t mind eating by myself. I find that time enjoyable to be able to think and process. Certainly, if somebody wants to join me for lunch, go for it, but I don’t mind having that time to myself.

Crystal Lay:
I have gone to the movies by myself. At first, I was really nervous, like, what are people going to think? But it’s really neat to just sit there and really be thoughtful and enjoy the quiet and be sucked into the movie. And so yeah, it takes courage, but definitely something I enjoy.

Brooks Hetle:
Absolutely.

Crystal Lay:
So we work in housing, Brooks. There’s a lot of social interactions and activities. You talked about wanting to have some alone time. Are there other things that you do to recharge after an event or an interaction that may have been draining? Do you have any tips?

Brooks Hetle:
Absolutely. And again, I think this is something that I’ve learned over the course of years, so I don’t think that there’s a magic formula or magic answer that if you’re looking for, oh, if you just do this, you’re going to have it all figured out. Again, you find out what works and doesn’t work and then you modify and tweak that as you go along. But I think for me, finding those people that do bring me energy. So even if I go through an experience or have a situation where I’m drained, I know the people that are in my inner circle that I can call or I can text or have that opportunity to debrief or process through that.
I also know for me, just again, having that alone time and whether that’s just reflecting to myself kind of in my head or journaling out some notes. And then sometimes it’s completely disconnecting. So whether that’s watching a movie or watching TV or listening to some music, just trying to escape from where you’re at, at least for a brief period in time. And then being able to come back and jump into things that may require a little bit more energy than you’re used to giving.

Crystal Lay:
So when we have, whether it be interview processes and we’re looking for RA candidates, or let’s say I’m a supervisor and I directly supervise an RA who’s an introvert, and maybe I have some of these misconceptions or maybe I’ve made these observations, are there strategies that you recommend that can make the work introvert-friendly? I don’t know if that’s good phrasing. Or to make it a little bit easier.

Brooks Hetle:
Yeah, I think some things that student staff and student leaders can think about for themselves. And then as supervisors and mentors and advisors, we can encourage these conversations, is asking, “What brings you joy and energy and what drains your energy and your joy?” And then how can we give people and put people in positions and give them opportunities where they can get things to do in their position or in their role where they can gain that energy and find satisfaction in that. And if there’s opportunities to be able to maybe do a little bit less of the things that drain them. Now, we all have things in our jobs that we don’t love doing, and unfortunately we’re going to have to do those things. And there’s probably things in our job that we really love doing and we wish we could spend all of our time doing that. Again, there’s a fine balance in that.
But again, to the extent that supervisors and advisors can provide those opportunities, especially if we’re thinking about a traditional resident assistant role, a lot of those may have additional collateral or committee assignments that they might take on where they can help out with a special project or initiative. And again, as supervisors being able to understand how can we leverage the strengths that that person might bring? So maybe that is completing a task by themselves or giving them an opportunity to utilize the skills that fit with more of that introverted nature.

Crystal Lay:
So we opened with you talking about a couple of inventories. Are there any disclaimers? So if I sit, I am an RA, and I just took this inventory and it gives me these things that tell me I lean toward being an introvert. How should I utilize that material? Do you have any thoughts about, or disclaimers about, how to take those personality tests and what do I keep in my toolkit or how do I use that information?

Brooks Hetle:
Absolutely. So I’m going to lean into a little bit more of the strength side of things. That’s where I have the most familiarity. And so I use a lot of the frameworks that Gallup has shared with how developing strengths. So the three kind of process there, they say name, claim, and aim. So first you have to be able to name your strengths, and usually it’s your top five, but there are 34 talent themes. But if you can name them, that’s a good start. But then you have to be able to claim them. So how do you appreciate those? How do you really understand those and what really resonates with you? Because you may get a report, whether it’s strengths, it might be Enneagram, Meyers-Briggs, any of these, and someone’s going to tell you what they think that means, but you have to make sense of that for yourself. And so I think those two levels are that self-awareness piece. So being able to name and claim those.
But then the big piece is that aim. So the application. So it’s nice to have self-awareness, but what are you going to do about that? So again, a report might tell you, “Well, this is how you might behave or how you might act in a certain situation.” But then being able to utilize that again to your advantage in a positive and healthy way. So how can you implement that and use that towards action? So I think the big thing for me is being able to make sense and make meaning of that. And sometimes we have our own blinders on. We have our own lived experience. And so sometimes it’s just so much of like, “Well, isn’t that how people operate in the world? Isn’t that…” And all of a sudden you’re like, “Oh, whoa, that’s not.” So having people that are in your close circle maybe read that report and say, “Hey, maybe this isn’t resonating for me. Have you seen this?” And all of a sudden you’re like, “Oh, yeah.” And that’s certainly what happened for me when I took my CliftonStrengths assessment.
Again, I had some parts of those reports I was like, “I don’t know if I see this.” And I had my parents read through it during one of the winter breaks and they’re like, “Oh, this is you to a T.” And I was like, “Oh.” So sometimes it’s getting some outside perspective as well too. But I think, again, figuring out what makes sense for you, but then also how are you going to move beyond just that awareness of yourself to what are you actually going to do about it?

Crystal Lay:
And how fun is that to take that inventory and share it with folks who know you? Whether that be, like you said, your parents or the humans that have raised you, or it’s the folks that are on your staff team to sit around with the other RAs or student staff and say, “Hey, what did you get? What do you think?” I think that could be a really cool way. And then how do you see those as puzzle pieces? What do all of us bring and how does that work to build this really cool team and experience for each other, but then also the students who live in our community? I think that’s really cool.

Brooks Hetle:
And one other thing, if I can just add, Crystal, that I just thought of.

Crystal Lay:
Yes, please.

Brooks Hetle:
I think with a lot of these, the other advantage, especially if you get your staff teams involved or other people involved, it can help create that common language. So again, we’re not necessarily wanting to put people in boxes or create labels for people of, okay, again, you’re an introvert or you have this strength or things like that, but it provides a common language and understanding that again just helps people connect and have a deeper understanding and appreciation for one another.

Crystal Lay:
I love that. I’m going to throw one more at you. Okay. It’s random. So how do you know when… Sometimes I’ll say, “I need to go introvert,” and I will disappear. And my team gets that, I have communicated that about myself. But are there physiological things that happen? How can someone know I’ve reached my max? And is there a way to kind of excuse yourself that feels good? Or how do you become aware in your body of, I think I’ve reached my max based on this particular personality type? Does that question make sense, Brooks?

Brooks Hetle:
It does. And I think the way I interpret it, sometimes unfortunately, we have to lean into those times where it doesn’t work well, and we realize that maybe the way I responded in this situation was not how I wanted to, so let’s do some things differently. So some things that I found over the course of my time, is that if I feel like I’m getting to my boiling point, my max point, where it’s like, okay, I need to figure out a way to get some introvert time in or else this is not going to do. I probably come a little bit more irritable. And especially when I’m around people, I maybe I’m a little bit more short or maybe not as kind as I would like to be around them.
So when I’m finding myself being a little bit more curt or not as kind as I would like to be, I realize I might need to take a timeout here and just go outside, or outside of this space, regather. Especially if I’m in a space where I need to be in, how do I just take a quick timeout, let’s reset and reframe? Or do what you need to do for that experience but then how do you build in that time afterwards to do what you need to do to regroup?

Crystal Lay:
Yeah, so I’m processing. I think what’s really cool about what you shared is being aware. What do I need in this moment and how do I excuse myself? When I go to conferences, I know that for three to four days, for instance, or if I have a long day or I have to get up and do a presentation, or for students, “I just got from class. I’ve been in class all day and now my residents need something.” I will try to plan my day and say, “Okay, I’m going to have 10 to 15 minutes that are just me time.” I’m going to close my door, my office door, whether it’s your room door, and this is just for me so I can breathe. So I try to pre-plan the day too, to add in those breaks for myself.
And I think that’s been something that’s helped me when I was an RA all the way now to the role I’m in. So that’s some really practical, free, easy advice that you just gave there. So thank you. So for students, staff members who wants to learn more about being a leader, about being an introvert or just any personality pieces, because I think you named some pretty cool tools. Are there places where they can go to learn more?

Brooks Hetle:
Absolutely. So there are certainly, you can Google a lot of these through Myers-Briggs, CliftonStrengths through Gallup or Enneagram. Again, I have a tendency and a preference for Gallup and CliftonStrengths. So hopefully you’ll get some links here later on where you can learn more about CliftonStrengths and taking that assessment. Lots of different reports, and especially for the college age folks, there’s a CliftonStrengths for Students Report. So it’s really geared towards you in your student role and thinking about how you can apply that academically, how you can apply that as your involvement or employment opportunities. So there’s a lot of great resources out there.
And yeah, I think another great resource is just your mentors and your supervisors in the field. Talk to them about their experiences because again, maybe, Crystal may be similar, you might think your supervisor is extroverted or something like that, and all of a sudden they share, “Actually, no, I’m an introvert.” And you’re like, “What? That doesn’t make sense.” So it’s just having those conversations with folks too and asking them, “What’s worked for you? What hasn’t worked?” And then being able to take that for yourself and figure out how you can… Figure out, yeah, what’s going to work best for you in those situations.

Crystal Lay:
Brooks, that was great. So there’s some inventory opportunities. There’s talking to your mentors, checking in with your staff team. Those are some really, really cool pieces. And I love that there’s actually a student version of Strengths. That’s really cool. This was delightful, and I know it was very helpful, I learned some pieces as well, and so thank you so much, Brooks, for joining me today.

Brooks Hetle:
Thanks for having me.

Crystal Lay:
Of course, of course. All right, everyone, thank you for joining us on this episode of Res Ed Chat, RA special edition. If you have an idea of a topic or person that you’ll like us to have on the show, please let us know by reaching out to Roompact. Take care.