I have supervised three sibling groups in the past three years – on the same staff team and one year after the other! Many RDs intentionally do not hire siblings or departments have unwritten expectations that siblings don’t get hired to the same staff team. I was warned not to hire siblings onto the same staff because I could be navigating family dynamics in addition to team dynamics.
Not all siblings can work together, but some can. The older siblings that I have supervised have often advocated fiercely for their younger siblings to be hired onto the same staff. I have had two sisters work one year after the other, I have had a brother and sister on the same staff and will be working with their youngest sister this upcoming year, and I have had one brother replace his older brother mid-year after his older brother graduated.
Supervising siblings can come with challenges, but it also can be incredibly rewarding and fun! I look forward to move-in every year because I get to see some of the previous RAs I worked with and they get to have a mini reunion with their friends as well. I often gain a lot more insight into individual RAs from conversations with their sibling because the siblings talk about one another (sometimes more than they talk about themself). I also get updates about older siblings after they graduated from their younger siblings in their 1:1s, which is a fun way to stay updated and connected!
Set expectations with the siblings if they will work together.
My greatest fear of two siblings working together is that they would get into an argument while on duty, and I said as much when two siblings wanted to work together on the same staff. Before they started working together, I had conversations 1:1 with both of them about the expectations that I had for them working together as siblings. I would recommend having conversations about the following topics/expectations prior to siblings working together:
- When they are working together, the job has to come first over sibling conflict
- They have to have each other’s back in front of residents – even if they disagree with how their sibling is handling a situation. Just like they would provide feedback to another RA on their team, they should wait until after they are away from residents
- Communicate with their supervisor about any issues that may impact their ability to work with their sibling and then brainstorm solutions with their supervisor on how to move forward with working with their sibling
I have found that siblings who actually want to work with one another at the same time on the same staff (rather than one after another), truly are committed to a strong, supportive relationship with their sibling. While I set these expectations as a proactive tool prior to issues coming up, I never had an issue with these siblings because their relationship was already super strong.
Have a conversation with your returning staff members about working with a previous (or returning) RA’s sibling.
At the end of each semester, I have an intentional meeting with the RAs returning to my building about reflections on the past semester together and expectations for the upcoming one. At that time, I like to talk about things that are helpful with a sibling joining the team versus things that will be harmful.
Helpful:
- It is helpful to give grace to a new student staff member (whether they are a sibling of a previous RA or not). Grace looks like helping them to learn, being patient if they don’t remember something or does something wrong, and offering support when they need/ask for it.
- It is helpful for student staff to check their bias when a new person joins the team. It’s important to acknowledge that staff already have perceptions of how a sibling will show up in the role and to know that how they actually do show up may be different. Share that this sibling has never been an RA before so staff members should do their best to ignore their preconceived expectations.
Harmful:
- Comparisons of a new staff member are incredibly harmful. Comparing a younger sibling to their older sibling is harmful because they are not the same person and will not act the same way. I also like to share that it is harmful to compare a new RA to when a different RA first started because circumstances could be very different.
- Sometimes when new RAs start, other staff members unintentionally infantilize them, which can cause harm in relationships between staff members. I share that even though a RA may be new, they are still receiving training and it is important to let them do the job rather than have a more seasoned staff member take things over from them completely. I recommend instead of taking things over, to instead focus on collaboration between team members so both can grow in the position.
Follow your own advice – Check your bias!
I hire siblings knowing that there will be moments where I am challenged because I am expecting a younger sibling to act like their older sibling (which is completely unfair to that staff member). Working with siblings will be a supervision growth moment because even though you know siblings may have some similarities, they are not the same, and it is your responsibility as a supervisor to understand the different needs of a new staff member and adjust your supervision to what they need not what you think they need based on their siblings supervision needs.
