Post-spring break, hopefully you came back refreshed. Some of your residents… did not. Across campuses, the weeks leading up to finals see a surge of roommate and suitemate conflicts. There’s a tipping point as students hit their stress limit: stress builds, burnout sets in, and small issues start to feel much bigger. As an RA or student staff member, you can take steps to mitigate some of this and intervene early. Taking proactive steps now can prevent conflict later and reduce stress for everyone involved (you included). You’re trained to be intervention leaders, not solely responders to crises and disagreements.
First, let’s explore why these conflicts happen. Students experience increased academic pressure, which often leads to low-quality sleep, less healthy meals, and less exercise as they put more focus on studying and research. All of these push a person to their limit and exacerbate that stress, creating a mean cycle. They’re also feeling stress from different areas – pressure from family to do well, from friends to still be present and have an active social life, from a financial standpoint to not waste the money they’re putting into university, and more. So their roommate not cleaning up their old food containers, while not a big deal in October, compounds over time. It’s no longer just that there’s some trash present – it’s that they assume the other person doesn’t care enough to change and put effort into maintaining a shared space, and the lack of respect builds frustration, coming to a head when both students have other stressors pushing in from every side.
It’s important for you to be proactive as finals near; a teaspoon of prevention is worth a pound of cure. You can help save relationships and sanity (both the residents and yours) by getting in front of the issue. During intentional conversations (one-on-ones, check-ins, etc.) try and dive deeper. Don’t take “yeah, I’m ok” at face value; it’s easy to move on from that, but you know your residents better than that by then. Instead, ask how they’re feeling heading into finals, how sharing the space has been since returning from break, and if there’s anything they’d like to resolve before things get more stressed. This is a key time to revisit roommate agreements as well – if you had mid-year moves happen in your area, make sure they get a roommate agreement established.
Your presence makes a big difference, so please use it to everyone’s benefit. Find a spot in your area to set up a study space – set up camp with lo-fi music, snacks, and bring your homework. If students see you around they’re more likely to voice concerns and it’ll give you the chance to interact with more students while holding a productive program where they can body double with you and knock out some work.
With all that said, sometimes conflict is inevitable. Not every issue will be resolved before the aforementioned tipping point, and having resources in your toolbox will come in handy. Here are a few tips for minimizing fallout between all parties:
- Validate their feelings without taking sides (“That sounds like it’s been really stressful for you, can we talk about what I can do to help?”).
- Set realistic expectations before the conversation moves too far. This may mean saying that your hall or house doesn’t have any open spaces to move to, that you aren’t the one to decide room changes, or explaining what the room change process looks like (usually requiring a mediation before a change is made).
- Be transparent. If your institution doesn’t accept room changes after a certain date, let the student(s) know that option is off the table, and introduce alternate solutions. If you’re incredibly busy with exams and projects, be upfront with your supervisor when you see conflict brewing and work together to balance your workload.
- Provide continued support. No matter the outcome, it’s important to be there for your residents.Sometimes all you can do is be a listening ear, and sometimes they won’t want to talk to you, but it’s important to try.
One thing I’ve noticed is that some students are now aware that saying they feel “unsafe” is the key to getting an automatic move, or that it’s the path that will show them the least resistance. It’s certainly not always the case, but when this happens, it’s important to learn more. How does this situation make you feel unsafe? What changed recently to escalate this situation? When you have the details, does this seem to fit the criteria for an uncomfortable or awkward situation or a truly unsafe one? These are conversations your supervisor could assist with, so you don’t need to dive too deeply, but many conflicts at this point in the semester are someone reaching their breaking point, not something unsafe or concerning suddenly coming up.
Lastly, don’t promise your students anything that you’re not 100% sure of. Room changes have processes and policies behind them, and there’s often only so many spaces that are held for emergencies. The majority of the time, these aren’t sudden emergencies – they’re just suddenly the largest stressor in a very stressed person’s life. You can’t fix everything for a student, but you can help them fix some things and navigate what’s in front of them. The more proactive you are now, the less likely conflict is to escalate later. Don’t wait for problems to show up at your literal door; instead, get ahead of them now.
