In this episode of Roompact’s ResEdChat, Crystal is joined by her mentee, Leya Deickman, Associate Director of Residence Life at William & Mary, for an honest conversation about mentorship in housing and residence life. Together, they reflect on timing, expectations, boundaries, and accountability, encouraging listeners to think about how mentorship might support their own growth and leadership.
Guest: Leya Deickman (she/her), Associate Director of Residence Life, William & Mary
Host: Crystal Lay
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Roompact’s ResEdChat podcast is a platform to showcase people doing great work and talk about hot topics in residence life and college student housing. If you have a topic idea for an episode, let us know!
Transcript:
Crystal Lay:
Hello, and welcome to another episode of Roompact’s Res Ed Chat Podcast. This is a platform where we talk to cool people who do cool things in residence life and college student housing. I’m your host, Crystal Lay, and I use a she/her series pronouns. Today, we’re going to talk about something that I think is pretty cool. We’re going to talk about mentorship. Now, mentorship is not something that’s signature to the housing field. You may have had a mentor when you were in middle school or high school or undergrad, but it’s something that I do believe is important at every stage of life. You should always try to seek out a mentor opportunity. And a mentor opportunity is very different than something we think about when we say “Sponsorship” or “Big brother, big sister.” This mentorship thing, for me, is an experience where you can exchange information, you can talk about, “Should I do this, should I do that?” And it’s also an opportunity for you to learn and grow together.
And so with this idea in mind, I wanted to spend a little bit of time with our guest today, to talk about a mentorship relationship and what mentorship means to them. And so with that, I’ll have our guests introduce herself.
Leya Deickman:
Thanks for that. That definition was great. I think that was a really great definition of mentorship. My name’s Leya Deickman, I’m the associate director at William & Mary, and this is my seventh professional year in residence life. I had a very traditional upbringing. I was an RA, and then I went to a head resident, and then straight into the hall coordinator. And I was intentional in what I wanted to do, and so I’m a res lifer for life, and I’m so excited to be on as a guest today, and talk with you, Crystal, about our mentorship and what I’ve learned so far.
Crystal Lay:
Thank you for being here. And you notice I got a little tongue-tied because I’m so excited. And why am I nervous? Why am I nervous? You’re amazing. Yes, so we are going to talk about our mentorship relationship that we’ve had. So, we were matched through a sponsored mentorship program in June of 2025. And so Leya, looking back, what made that timing meaningful for you? Where were you professionally and personally?
Leya Deickman:
First, I just want to shout out Kiana Stone. She was in charge and tasked with mentor and matching for the ACUI Leadership Program, which I am so gracious for, and that’s how I met you, so just for one, I want to start there. I think back to June 2025, that was about my first full year at William & Mary, and so I was just getting my footing at a larger institution that had the resources to back up, and role distinction, which is very important to be able to pour into yourself professionally. And so just thinking back to my institution, and finally feeling like, “Okay, I know what I’m doing, I want to pour into something else.” And so I found that opportunity with the ACU-OI Leadership Academy and just wanted to take it. I was someone who entered the field during COVID, and so it was a very isolated time for professionals to come in, and so I didn’t have that networking.
And I also was small school, private institutions, really small upbringing, not a lot of connections, didn’t even know housing associations existed, or student affair associations existed, until a few years into my career, and so I didn’t have those opportunities, and so this just felt like a perfect time to take advantage of that. And then personally, I felt like I was having a lot of turmoil, just personal life, and just transitioning, and so it felt like the perfect time to have someone who I didn’t have to provide the context of what we do, but they get it, and they can be the person I lean on. And so I actually asked, in the Leadership Academy application, I was like, “I want a mentor that’s nothing like me.” I’m glad that she didn’t listen because I don’t know if it would’ve been successful. And I was just maybe a little just too rambunctious about what I wanted, but I thought that’s what I needed, and it was absolutely not what I needed, and I’m forever grateful that we got the matching that we got. So, it was a good time.
Crystal Lay:
Yes. When I looked at your profile that came across, like “This is the person assigned to you.” I was like, “Oh, my gosh.” There were so many cool things that we had in common. And my initial thought, I was like, “Oh, I hope I have something to offer,” right? Because you’re so fantastic on paper, and then to meet you, you bring this wonderful light into a space, and so I think it was a little bit of that piece of hopefulness and joy and excitement, but like, “Oh, wow, I think I’m also going to learn from this pairing.” And I think that’s the beauty of mentorship too, is that I’m obviously going to offer that seasoning, right, but also it’s really great when I can take something from it as well. It feels like an exchange.
So, I want to talk about the field we’re in. We’re talking about housing. It’s intense. It can be all consuming if you let it. And I think it’s more consuming in other ways that sometimes student affairs, or other areas of student affairs, is not. And so can you tell me how does working in housing shape what you needed from a mentor, or what makes mentorship feel especially valuable in our field?
Leya Deickman:
Yeah. No, I think just a little bit of what I mentioned previously, but having someone who understands the context of what we do, and it’s so important and so hard. And I think when you need someone, and you’re in those crisis moments for yourself, having to stop and explain the context of what we do really takes away from just the sharing experience and just the catharsis that I’m trying to do with explaining myself. And so I really wanted someone who could relate in that sense, of this is what a res lifer is through and through. We’re arguably one of the most resilient subsets, and it’s really hard to do what we do, and so I wanted someone who understood that first and foremost. And I think for me, really, on top of having that someone that just understood, someone who’s had more years of experience, and knowing that, “Okay, I’ve survived this,” and I think having that, and she’s okay, she’s done what I’ve done, and so knowing that there was someone who’s continuing to do this.
There was a point in my career where I was like, “I don’t know if I want to do this because it is so hard. It is so taxing.” And so just seeing you’re still engaged 20 years into the game was really, really helpful and insightful to me, that I do love this, and yes, it’s hard work, but there’s a way to sustain this, and I just have to figure out, in this mentorship, how do I sustain the lifestyle of residence life and housing? And I think that was really important.
Crystal Lay:
I appreciate what you said, the piece about how do you explain your job? I know for my family, it’s like “She’s the boss of the RAs,” right? And every year, they just add another boss to that, right? Or it’s just really hard, and so I think when you have the ability to just… It’s like a breath of fresh air. I can just tell you this thing and you kind of know, right? Different institution, maybe a different bed count, but at the end of the day, there’s so much commonality across our field, where it’s like, “Okay, let’s just get right into it without the extra pieces.” So, let’s go a little personal for the people.
Leya Deickman:
Okay.
Crystal Lay:
So, what’s something that our mentorship has provided, or surprised you, that maybe it was supportive, it was perspective, confidence, or gentle accountability? Is there anything I’ve offered in this experience together?
Leya Deickman:
You offered a whole lot, so let’s just stop there. No, I think surprisingly, so I think when we first started our relationship, it was kind of like, “Are you into texting, are you not into texting? What is the mode of communication for us?” And I think at first, it was a little more like, “Let’s just email, kind of figure it out, text here and there,” and I think that’s just, again, naturally learning somebody and their communication style. But I think having access to you on a personal level, and you opening that up, has been really helpful, just for vulnerability, because there’s nothing more special than being able, like “I’m having a crap day,” and I have instant messaging and communication, and just having that access.
So, I think the umbrella here, I would say vulnerability, for sure. I think another way that was shown was, shameless plug, but your book, in a sense of like I got to learn you in a way that you don’t get to learn your mentor, and you get to see that side. For one, the creative side of you, and know, “Okay, there’s a human behind this title,” and being able to have access, one, it’s cool to be able to just text the author, and be like, “What is happening?” But two, the creative side, and the love story, and just kind of having access to the insight that you don’t get to have, I felt like I was able to share parts of my life that were more intimate because you had shared that with the community at large, but me too.
And then being able to have that one-on-one relationship, I think that was just a huge bridge to being able to talk about all the things that we’ve talked about, from personal life, being a mom, single parents. I think that just opened up a huge bridge for us. And I know it was like, “Here’s my book, here’s what I’m doing,” but it meant a whole lot to me to be able to read that, even before it hit the market, and doing that.
Crystal Lay:
Well, thank you. And I think something that I appreciate about our relationship too, is that I think you’re brave. You were like, “I’m going to go zipline.” And I was like, “Great, not happening for me, but I love that you are so brave,” or the fact that you care for yourself. And so I think there’s these pieces about travel or momming, and being a part of the community, and you just have so much courage, and so those are some of the things, as I think about what surprised me, is how much I’m able to think about how do I slow down and honor myself more? So that’s been really cool too.
So, I want to talk a little bit about the opposite of that. Is there a particular moment that helped you navigate feeling overwhelmed or isolated, or like you always have to be on in housing?
Leya Deickman:
No, I think back to… So, I don’t drink coffee, or I didn’t drink coffee. August 2025 will go down in history as the month that Leya started drinking coffee, which if you’re anybody who knows me, you’re like, “That is transformational,” because I just did not do it. I don’t like it. It’s probably genetic at this point. But it was such a rough time period. I think William & Mary institution at large, it was really hard, just construction delays, and everything was going on. I had displaced staff members, displaced students, angry parents, and all reasonably so, and out of our control, and then you add, okay, my kids are going back to school during that time. I was navigating my personal advocacy and how involved I wanted to be in things that were happening at previous institutions of mine, and where I had ties in those communities, and trying to figure out, “Okay, how much of myself do I give that? How much of myself do I give my job?”
I’m also in school, so I felt like I was very thin there. And I think you just called me, and you were like, “Let’s get on the line and chat.” Coffee’s always helpful, and you always… She’s sending me coffee money, like “Thinking about you,” and I love that, and I know that’s mutual for us to do. But I think just really, just like the, “Hey, I’m thinking about you” moments, they were really helpful. And as someone who also during your busy time, carved out time to just say, “Hey, I’m thinking about you. We’re going to survive this. It’s just another August in the timeline,” I think is great. But you called me at 8:00 P.M., and you didn’t care what time it was, you just sat there and listened, and I’m very appreciative of that. And just those moments of like, “Hey, I know her world’s crazy as well, but she’s willing to give me this time to just have the space to vent,” I’m just grateful.
Crystal Lay:
So, what I’m hearing so far is… And thank you. What I’m hearing so far is the willingness to make time and to be in community with agreed upon boundaries and expectations, right? Because you talked about we had to feel each other out first. We had to have a conversation about what was this going to be, so then we could engage, because I think that’s really important, that too, because every mentorship relationship can look very different, and so what I’m taking away is how do you all talk about what you want it to be, what’s needed, and then you’ll be able to figure out that dance together. Because what we do may look different, but I think we’ve worked through what do we want this to be for each other, with you getting the most out of it, I think, because it’s really about how can I support you and uplift you, and make sure you’re getting what you need. That’s the seat that I would like to sit in for you.
Leya Deickman:
And I think there’s moments where you’re very much that for me, and then that reminds me to put the hat on to make sure that this is a mutual relationship, and that I’m also checking in on you, and that spreading to others, like, “Okay, now I need to make sure that I’m checking in on the people that I’m supposed to be checking in on because someone just checked on me.” And it’s just that a little bit of a reminder to check in on your friends and where they’re at.
Crystal Lay:
Yeah. And you’re getting at this point of is there such thing as being a good mentee? We talk about being a good mentor, but can you be a good mentee? And I think our relationship has made me think about my own mentor. I’m like, “Am I checking in on her as much as she checks in on me? Am I being a good mentee to her?” Because again, it is a relationship that you’ve entered into. So, what’s one thing that you’ve learned through our mentorship that’s strengthened the way you show up as a leader with your own staff, student leaders, or peers?
Leya Deickman:
I think connection. I came from a place, again, small school. I’ve always had the strong connection, but I had to work a little bit harder. I was at a larger team, which that was kind of foreign to me, to be in a larger team. Also, the way our office is constructed, we’re not necessarily passing each other every day, you have to be intentional. And I think seeing you interact at a ACUHO, and it felt like every single person… We didn’t take more than three steps before there was another person that you knew. But every single hug, every single conversation, it was like you knew them and you knew a lot about them, and I’m sure that those were friendships that you’ve been establishing for a while, but there was not one where I felt like, “Oh, that’s just an acquaintance or just somebody I knew,” it was very personal and very connected.
And you knew so much information about them. You were whispering in my ear, “This is so and-so, this is where I know them, this is what they do.” And just at first, I was like, “I don’t know how to encode all this information and how your brain holds it all.” But it was really important to me to take that, and say, “Okay, I want to build genuine connection, so what does that look like? ” I do that well in my office space, I do that well, but I think campus partners, I think I want to take away the friendships and the companionships that go, and the partnerships that go with what we do. And we cross so many paths, and we have so many touchpoints with people, and just the way you were engaging in that space made me really reflect on, “Okay, how do I want to show up for people and talk to one another?”
So, I’ve definitely taken those back. I think, again, I did that really well in my office setting, but I was like, “I need to do, in this setting, I need to make sure that I’m making connections, that I’m making sure that the person that I know here also knows the person that I know over here.” And I think seeing you do that in real time… There was just so many people, probably like 200 people that I got introduced to, and I just don’t know how you remember everybody. But even me just doing that at a small scale, I think that makes me a better professional, and I’m a better person in the way we engage. I know you talked a lot about the vendors, and sometimes that’s awkward for people who are not the buyers in our field, and at conferences, you’ll have the associates come and engage, and you’re like, “These are my friends.”
These are people that you made genuine connections with, and I think just moments like that, where I was like, “Okay, so it doesn’t always have to be a give and take relationship. It could just be like I’m genuinely interested in who you are and what you do and how you contribute.” And I want to take that and flourish that a little bit more, and nurture that side of me.
Crystal Lay:
I appreciate that. Because it’s about the connection piece, right, and meeting folks. And you’re going to see them. It could be once a year, it could be once every couple of years, it could be every week, and so knowing… I think pausing to show that you care about folks and being intentional is really important. And also, I’m an introvert, and so it’s a slowing down piece. It’s true. It’s true. I hide in my hotel at the end of the night. But I think the key point you put here, that I want to reiterate for folks, is it wasn’t you walking alongside me and I’m waving and hugging people, it was being thoughtful to say, “Hey, have you met Leya? Do you know this wonderful human,” so you can start to make your own connections.
I think that’s the beauty of mentorship, is how are you making sure your mentee is engaged, connected. And also with you, you’re an associate director, you’re seasoned, right?
Leya Deickman:
Yeah.
Crystal Lay:
You’ve been in the field. Or title-wise, you’re very seasoned, and so it was that piece about also balancing, “Well, who do you know? What do you have? How can I help you,” and really leaning into your direction, and not trying to offer all this extra stuff, and you’re like, “Crystal, please stop.” So, I think that’s a part of it too, is what’s the experience you want to have so it can be a fruitful relationship.
Leya Deickman:
Yeah. And I think one of the reasons I entered the Leadership Academy in the first place was for those connections. But I think at surface level, I was like, “I just need to know people, and the more people I know, it’ll make me greater.” But when I got and I saw the really personable side of you, it was like, “No, I want to know people, because this is my association, this is my family, this is my home base.” And I feel like I’ve very established and chose ACUHO-I, as like that’s my home association. And so being more intentional, and I think that really sprouted from just seeing you engage. And just I remember my very first ACUHO going, and people like, “Yeah, we’ve been going to this for 20 years together, and these are people that I truly value.” And so I want to move with more intention in the way that I engage in those spaces.
And it’s not just for… It doesn’t matter how many LinkedIn connections I have, if it means nothing, or if they don’t associate me with a smiling face, or someone who genuinely cares about what’s going on in their life, it’s way more than numbers, and I think you just made that crystal clear. I love a good pun.
Crystal Lay:
Yes, I love it. Oh, we can stop right here, that was great.
Okay. So, we talked a little bit about this, the boundaries piece, but I want to get into this next question that came to my mind. So in housing, I think we develop a little more quickly than what we would hope. For instance, we have training, but some of the training, the hope is that this thing will never happen to me, but if it does, I’m prepared, right? Or we’re exposed to so many things, like trauma, just all the facilities issues, there’s this rapid fire, you have to learn all the things. So, as you think about mentorship, again, has it helped you pace yourself? Has it helped you set boundaries, or even think about your career long-term? And I know you mentioned that earlier, but I wanted to go a little bit deeper into that.
Leya Deickman:
No. Yeah, I think there’s just so much for me to learn. And again, so I entered the field during COVID, everything was exacerbated. It was fast. We didn’t get the learning and the more fluff. Res Life is not a lot of fluff, but the little bit of being integrated into the field, it was just full-blown. All right, now you’re a COVID coordinator, you’re delivering meals, you’re everybody. And then shortly after that, I became a director of residence life at 24, and I’m like, “What the heck? I don’t know what to do.” So, I kind of paused my learning. I was like, “Okay, I’m in survival mode. I’m just going to learn what I need to learn,” and that was it. And a lot of times, we’re stuck in that space, just because there’s just so much to do.
So I think one, understanding what my role is, and if that’s not clear to you and your institution, then starting there and making sure that role distinction is clear, so there is no burnout and there’s not a lot going on. But I wanted to have meaningful learning and intentional, and I know that I could go out and learn a bunch of things, but if I’m not going to retain any of this information, then that’s not really important. And so for me, I think yes, it’s hard. Our time is taken up by fires, everything you can think of in residence life, and so the time that you do have to pour into yourself has to be intentional, and it has to be meaningful, to be able to sustain learning and what we do. And so I think I’ve gotten more intentional of how I’m spending my time and what I want to do with the excess time, so that way I’m not adding to my burnout, because I want to progress in this field. But to progress, you have to challenge yourself in ways.
And sometimes that’s really hard when you have a full schedule, and so I’m just a little bit more intentional about what I’m doing, and I don’t need to just bring everything on my plate just because I can. I want to stay in this field, and so I have to be very intentional of sustainability and workforce sustainability. I know that that’s one that ACUHO is paying, or the future of the profession, is paying a lot of attention to, is how do we keep us in the field? And I think one, we have to challenge ourself, the mental stimulation. So yes, we still have to progress, and we still have to engage and find those additional professional development opportunities, but how are we going to do that if we’re sustaining our Res Life life? And so I think role distinction has really been important in figuring that out and talking with my supervisor of what that looks like and how much time can I pour into myself, and what do those boundaries look like? Can I close my door? Is this an hour to give myself?
And then making sure that the opportunities that I am a part of are ones that I’m willing to give up 100%, and not 10%, and I’m just doing it so it’s on my resume.
Crystal Lay:
Yes. It’s almost like going to the buffet. As a kid, every graduation meant we went to this place called Old Country Buffet. I don’t know if they still have it, but it was like, “Yes, somebody graduates, so we can go.” And then you just load up with everything possible, because you’re like, “Oh, I need this and this and this and this and this.” And now I’m not anti-buffet, let me be clear. I think we do the same thing in residence life because there is so much to do. There’s so many opportunities, and then you’re like, “Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, do I have to do all of this? What is this leading me toward? How can I be intentional? How can I be thoughtful?” And I think without direction, or there can be system issues too, we almost forget we’re human. We have to slow down.
I had someone say to me at a former campus, they said, “We can hurry, but we don’t need to rush.” And it was so powerful, because we’re always moving so fast, and I don’t know if we need to be. So, I’m really appreciative of how you talked about, “Yeah, I can do 80 things, but what am I taking away from it?” Doing a couple of things well versus doing everything, and being a little messy, you know?
Leya Deickman:
Yeah. And I think you, as a mentor, remind me a lot of my just personal life, “Are you okay in that space too?” Because I was someone who, prior to this last year, my personal life didn’t really impact my work life. I felt very stable in that sense, and I had a good support system. I was in an area that I had family, in a partnership, so the balance was feasible, and then I moved. So one, you have that change, and then you have the personal disruption. And so my plate looks very different last year than it is this year, because I feel like my capacity is different for me to be able to give back into work, and I feel like I have my footing. And so just being very cautious and aware, and just in tune with yourself, of like, “Is this time and place to give the professional the extra percents that I have today, or is this a time that I need to give my personal life a little bit more of that access?”
And I, again, was at a very good institution, and a very supportive supervisor that allowed me to pour more into my personal life that first year, get my footing in this institution before I was able to find those meaningful professional development opportunities, and then switch gears and put a little bit more time into my professional development.
Crystal Lay:
Yeah. And one thing too, it’s the trust, or the calling in, like, “Hey, here’s what I’m noticing. Do you really need to do that thing? I have a question.” And so that comes with trust and time too, of if I notice that you’re doing X, Y, Z, I might say, “Tell me more about that. Have you done that before? What’s this connected to? What’s your path?” And I think that those are some really cool questions. Or like, “Hey, have you taken time for yourself?” And those are hard questions, and it’s not about guilting or shaming, it’s really calling out and in, “Do you need to do this?” Or, “Wow, I’m really excited for you. Apply,” right, and I think that could be really cool too.
All right, so here’s where I’m at. So you are growing, and I love this, and you’re talking about the growth you’ve seen. What does mentorship look like for you now and how do you imagine paying it forward to support the next generation of housing professionals?
Leya Deickman:
Yeah. So, I think mentorship for me now, because I’ve been in spaces where I’m like, “I want to mentor. I want to be a mentor for somebody,” and I don’t think I gave the necessary effort in either of those capacities of being a mentee and a mentor, but I also didn’t have it role-modeled for me. Again, I was in smaller institutions, we were all in survival mode, so I didn’t really get an opportunity to see what that relationship could look like. And so for me, that was outside of my colleagues anyways, because we had that, but someone who was different, and just a different entity. So, mentorship to me now looks completely different. I think this is a commitment. I show up, and I am in a partnership that I have intentionally created, especially… And ours was a little formal at first, but I think we’ve moved away from like, “Yes, we still have to do these check-mark box activities,” but this is way more than I could imagine of what that could be.
I think that it’s truly leaning into, “Okay, this is a friendship, this is a companion, this is someone that I can lean into, but this is also somebody who has walked in my…” I’m walking in their footsteps. They’ve walked this walk before. And so I want to make sure that I am really intentional, and that I’m giving time. And if you are not ready to be menteed, or if you’re not ready to be a mentor, being honest with yourself of what that looks like, because this is a commitment. I’m not going to go into any partnership in my life, or relationship in my life, and do it lackadaisical. I don’t want that to be representative of who I am, and so I think if you go into those spaces, and you’re like, “I just want a mentorship to say that I’ve been in this program,” that’s not really helpful.
And I think that reflects. It can reflect poorly. Yes, it can just be like, “Okay, that’s just an acquaintance, but what were you truly getting out of this? ” Again, I can have 500 LinkedIn connections, but if I don’t speak to any of them, if I don’t make an intentional engagement effort, it doesn’t really mean anything. And so I think the way that you engage with me, and then open me up to engage with you that way, I’m like, “I have been doing mentorship wrong.” This is not something that is just pen and paper, it’s not something that just has to be about work and is confined to that. We have a lot of commonalities. We talk about being moms, what single parenthood looks like, how to be Black women in the field, and those are spaces that I just felt those are personal to me, or those identities are not something I could share in a professional setting.
And you just broke down those walls and showed me there is ways to do that. And we can have our professional hat on, but we can also take it off and be personal with one another, and what does that mean, and how does that help me in my professional setting, or in a personal holistic way? And so I think I need to do it more holistically, and I want to pay it forward by telling people it has to be intentional. This is a partnership. This is someone I’m going to know for the rest of my life, and I wanted to nurture that relationship, and I don’t think I’ve been doing that well. So, if I’ve had any mentees that are watching this and want to run it back, I would be lucky. I would be glad to. So, there’s mentee relationships that I have now on my campus, just through our Women to Women program at William & Mary, that I’m like, “Okay, I’m going to do it right this time. The check-ins are going to look different.”
Again, it has to be a mutual relationship, so I understand I’m only one party in this, but at least my effort, I know. And even if that’s not reciprocated, some people need to learn how to be mentored, and so just kind of making sure that I’m aware, flexible as well. Not everybody knows, it just snapped for me, and I’ve, again, been in the profession for seven years. So, making sure that I try to tell people and explain to them what our relationship looks like, and I’m glad that we’ll have this video, because I could be like, “You can watch this video to refer back to about what mentorship looks like and what it truly can mean, and what you’re comfortable with.” I know that there’s different levels of comfortability, but if you’re not in a match where you’re comfortable to that level, who says you can’t have more than one mentor, and what that looks like, and trying to find… It’s like dating.
Just like you date for a therapist, you date for a mentor. And luckily, again, Kiana Stone did a wonderful job. I am forever thankful, but the ACUHO-I leadership pairings are so great. And they cut out the middleman, I didn’t have to do all of the hunting for me, but I’m so glad that we have each other.
Crystal Lay:
Oh, you know I’ve been trying not to cry this whole time, because I just think you’re so amazing, and I’m grateful for all the pieces that you’re sharing with me. And it is a commitment. When this program, I got the email from Kiana, I sat and I thought for a while of that asked to be a mentor is such an honor. And I think the step to ask for mentorship is equally as important, because you’re saying, “I want to learn. I want to grow. I’m curious. I want to open myself up to someone to ask for guidance and support.” I think that’s huge on both ends. And so for me, it feels pretty sacred, of saying, “I want to honor this person and where they are in their life and their path. This is something they’re looking for and who would I be to not step up?” And if you can’t do it, say no, right?
And so that was a reflection piece for me as well, is “Is this something I have the time for? Am I ready for this? Can I give of myself when I look at everything on my plate and give 100%, because you’re deserving of that.” And I think that would be my advice out to mentors, or someone considering it, is let your yes be or yes, and if you don’t have the capacity or time, say no. And interview each other to see if it’s going to be a good pairing. And sometimes it’s not, and that is okay.
So, what would you say to someone who wants a mentor, but they don’t feel ready or they don’t know how to ask, how would you advise them?
Leya Deickman:
Yeah, I think it’s going to take a lot of self-reflection. I think that’s first and foremost, do you have the time and the capacity? What do you want out of this? I don’t like to engage in conversations where I’m asking somebody and I don’t know what my end goal is. I can’t ask for something and I don’t know what I want to get out of it. Or I’m transparent that I don’t know what I want to get out of it and I make that open. So, I think you need to have transparent conversations about where you’re at, what you can do, what this mentorship looks like. Is it something that you don’t need anything personal, you just want someone to tell you the walk professionally and what that looks like, and making sure those expectations are very clear before you go and seek it out.
And if you don’t have time… Again, we have time. Time is of essence, but we do have time to be able to come back when we’re ready. I was not in the space, again, 2024 looked so different than 2025 for me, and I was not in a space where I could take another human talking to me. I’ve got three kids and a million students, and staff members, and I’m navigating a new space, and it was just not a good time for me to be able to pour into a mentor-mentee relationship. I would’ve not texted back. I would’ve left emails. And again, that’s just a sour taste in the relationship, and so I told myself, “I am carving out time for this. I want to be intentional. These are the things that I aspire to have or to understand from this person.” And I think the application helped guide that.
It was a guided practice of like, “What do you want?” The questions, first, they sent us a second set of questions, of like, “What do you want from a mentor?” And I think that’s probably where most of the answers where we got connected, where it’s like, “Okay, wait, I need to stop and reflect. Why am I actually doing this?” And I think at first it was just like, “That looks good on paper.” But stopping and thinking of like, “Oh, no, what can I actually get out of this” was really helpful. And so just recreating that process for someone who maybe is not doing a leadership academy, or is not doing a more formal mentorship of writing it down.
You can do a video. I know some people, I don’t like journaling, but I know video recording of like, “This is what I want, this is what I aspire.” I did a 2026 bingo card, and that has “I want to create,” has a professional section, “I want to do my three to five-year plan. How can this person help me with these goals,” and having that listed out, and that way you can compare and contrast of whether you’re in a space where you really want to do this or do you need to give it more thought, and then circle back to finding the right person. And if it’s not the right match, that is okay, come back again. Mentors come in all different shapes and sizes and walks of life. You don’t know when they’ll pop up, and you’ll just meet them. And I say “Say hi to everyone and mean your hi and how are you, because you never know who could come into your life professionally and really help you.”
Crystal Lay:
I think that’s perfect. And the time commitment too, the formal piece of it, we should be meeting 60 minutes a month, an hour a month, but we talk more than that. It’s the text message, it could be the email.
Leya Deickman:
You’re pinned on my phone.
Crystal Lay:
It’s the random, funny meme. I think it’s whenever we pop into each other’s mind. And we’re also cognizant of time zone because we’re three hours apart. And so I might be like at 9:00 P.M., like, “Oh, here’s this funny meme.” And I’m like, “Oh, dang, it’s midnight there.” But I do think it’s that piece about writing down what you want, what you’re looking for, asking good questions, and then expectations, the boundaries, and seeing what comes of it. And again, like you said so beautifully earlier, with anything, job, relationship, mentorship, you date and figure out what makes sense, but if you start with what you know you want, that makes it a lot easier to seek out that mentor.
It should be someone that you aspire. They’re aspirational and inspirational, I think. And not trying to toot my horn, that’s not where I’m coming from with that comment, but it’s someone who you’re like, “Okay, they have this path and they have connections,” or I know they can also, again, call me out and end with care and support. Because this is not about, again, I’m going to go on my old soapbox, not about shaming, making people feel bad, “Why didn’t you do X, Y, Z?” That’s none of that. It truly is, I think, for me, this idea of support, encouragement, and illuminating the path, and saying, “Have you considered this?” And it’s cheerleading, right?
So, that’s my two cents. So, we are coming to the end of our time. I could talk to you all day. If you could give anyone, I don’t know if there’s a podcast, a book, a website, is there anything as you think about mentoring that you would like to share with folks, and we can add that to the show notes?
Leya Deickman:
Yeah. Well, one, the ACUHO-I Leadership Academy is open, so those applications are open. I think they’re due on the 30th, if I had to… I think that’s when they’re due. So first and foremost, that awesome opportunity if you fit the criteria 100%, just believe in yourself and do it. Don’t tell yourself no before someone else can, for sure. And then I think back to this therapy this past year, and I read this book, it’s called The Untethered Soul, and it just talks about anxieties, and just I was someone who’s an anxious ball of mess, and then navigating life pretty much alone for a little bit of being in a new space, and so it’s kind of like getting out of your head and removing anxiety and personifying it as someone else. And I think that was really helpful in just imposter syndrome.
There was a lot of times this year where I was like, “Oh, I don’t need to do that. I’m not ready,” or, “Don’t apply for that. You’re too young,” or whatever the case may be. And I told myself, “I’m not going to let myself tell me no.” And if there’s anybody that’s not allowed to tell you no, it’s you for 2026. And so just make sure that you’re not telling yourself no and just getting out there. It’s a really good book. It’s called The Untethered Soul. There’s a journal as well, if you’re interested in that. But also, equally important, read some fiction this year. I’ve got a book recommendation if you want to.
Crystal Lay:
Well, thank you. We will add those. We will add the Leadership Academy and the Untethered Soul to the show notes. Those are great resources and good places for folks to start. And there’s a lot of different organizations that do offer mentorship programs. And also, there could be someone on your campus that you look up to, and just schedule a coffee chat with them, and say, “Hey, I want to learn more about you. I’m looking for a mentor. No pressure, just want to see if we can connect.” That could be a beautiful way to start.
Well, I am so grateful for everything that you shared with us today, grateful for you as a human, and all the great things you bring to our field and to the world. Thank you for joining me today.
Leya Deickman:
Thank you for being you.
Crystal Lay:
Well, everyone, thank you for hanging out with us today. If you have an idea for a topic or a guest that you would like to have here, please reach out to us at Roompact. Take care.
