ResEdChat Ep 97: Strategies for Supporting Homesick Students with Colin Varnet

Dustin Ramsdell:
Welcome back everyone to another episode of Roompact’s ResEdChat podcast. If you’re new to the show, every episode, we feature a variety of topics of interest to hired professionals who work in and with university housing, residence life, residential education, what we might call it. All are welcome.
So for today’s episode, we are continuing, if you’re following along our string of episodes with the Roompact writers for this year annual program that Roompact does to bring in a variety of different voices and perspectives. And I know if you’ve also been following along with all the episodes that ResEdChat is putting out, we do have frequent RA chat episodes, which are really cool. And this will be a treat for me because I usually don’t do those episodes. I usually don’t talk to the RAs, but I was an RA a while back, and so this’ll be kind of just a little bit of a mix-up for me, I guess in just in terms of the usual folks that I talk to by continuing a really cool tradition I think that we’ve been able to do in the podcast here.
So will start out though, as we always do, have our guest briefly introduce themselves, but in your case, Colin, have you just talk a little about how you became an RA.

Colin Varnet:
So, hello, my name is Colin Varnet. I go to the University of Connecticut. I am a senior molecular and cell biology major, and I’m an RA. How I became an RA was probably the stereotypical story that everybody does. I saw an application on a flyer on the wall. I’m just like, “That sounds cool. I wouldn’t mind having a free room,” you know what I mean? So I applied for that and next thing, next year I was in it, in the thick of it.

Dustin Ramsdell:
Well, I think that is what’s interesting though, is that obviously is a story shared by many is just a sort of stumbling upon it and maybe that idea of like, “Oh yeah, I get a free room or single room or whatever else.” That being, I guess on its face enough to compel certain people to get into it, but then, okay, why do you stick with it or push through with it and everything. But yeah, those sort of humble beginnings, it’s like, yeah, obviously a lot of institutions need a lot of RAs. They can’t have, obviously all of a sort people who maybe from the outset are completely bought into the entirety of all the kind of complex, nuanced nature of the role and everything. And I guess clarify for me, how long have you been an RA?

Colin Varnet:
I want to start by saying you’re absolutely right. It’s like the little honeypot that leads you in, but then eventually you find a more compelling reason, which is obviously why I’ve stuck with it because this is my third year. So clearly there’s more to it. But yeah, I think you’re absolutely right.

Dustin Ramsdell:
Yeah, because I think for me, and I think probably maybe second to the, just sort of stumbling upon it, the pot of honey, pot of gold, whatever, that entices people for me, I never considered it, but my RA kind of tapped me on the shoulder because I attended events or then they did certain video game events that I helped with, and I brought extra controllers and different things. And so I think that idea of, “Hey, you’re involved, you like community, you being a part of things,” I think there’s a good chunk of, they try to encourage current RAs. So like, “Hey, if you have people that you think might be good for it,” that is [inaudible 00:03:19] we’re like, okay, you tap somebody on the shoulder, you say, “Hey, I think you’d be a good fit for this. You might get a lot out of it,” or whatever else. And that pushes them along where I wasn’t as motivated necessarily by any of those other perks and things. So I think in my mind, I guess my mental math is those are probably the top two ways that people get into it.
But regardless, I think you being an RA for three years, being invested in the experience, obviously you bring a lot of that insight and everything into being a Roompact writer, which I will say, I guess as far as I’m aware, most of our writers have not been current RAs. I think that’s part of it. Again, we want to bring folks onto the show, onto the blog and everything else that are bringing different perspectives. So I guess just walk through a little bit talking about your experience being a Roompact writer, but start I guess similarly of how did you even become a writer. Because I feel like probably a lot of your peers would’ve been intimidated to think that it doesn’t apply to them or whatever else. So talk us through that journey and then what the experience has been like over this past year.

Colin Varnet:
So you’re absolutely right, and it doesn’t apply to an RA. So I actually applied completely on accident, and by that was probably a lack of my own ability to fully read a description of the posting where it was meant for more higher ed professionals. And I was reading it. I was working one night. On a whim, I was like, “Oh, cool. That sounds like something I wouldn’t mind doing.”
So I wrote this little audition piece about the role of the residence hall director, and I get an email a couple of weeks later saying, “Hey, you weren’t necessarily who this was geared towards, however we would like to maybe potentially work with you in the future to get more of an RA’s perspective.” So I thought that was a little interesting. It was a little embarrassing at first, but I’m glad it happened overall because my experience has been very productive, I feel not even necessarily as an RA, but I feel like it just professional writing space, the collaboration space. I think it’s been very nice way to get a different side of the coin, a different perspective on a lot of the issues that you’d face in Res Ed.

Dustin Ramsdell:
Yeah, I think that’s for me so much about embracing wholeheartedly. Certainly for institutions, the idea of content creation, all these sort of new things that are coming out, eSports or whatever else, people might sort of scoff and be like, “Oh, what good is that? You’re just doing this sort of fluffy or sort of frivolous thing or whatever.” But it’s like, no, you can earnestly build some really great skills no matter what you do. The idea of being able to communicate ideas clearly and concisely in a compelling way and all that, it’s like, yeah, you don’t have to be going down that route because I want to be a full-time content creator or whatever. It’s just like it is a valuable experience and not writing people off, I guess, if that’s not the path that they want because I think a lot, as somebody who’s played video games my whole life, it’s loving seeing the maturation of that space.
It’s like, yeah, I mean, it’s essentially much like any other sport or something, there’s a lot of different paths and everything like that. So however you come to something, looking at it as an opportunity to learn and grow and develop, and even with molecular biology and whatever else, it’s like I will still have to work with other people and do things that will probably involve these skills or whatever else. Or maybe it’ll always be something that you do on the side or freelance or whatever else because I think, I couldn’t imagine myself ever being a full-time writer or anything like that, but through being a writer, freelance and doing stuff with podcasts and everything, it’s really been helpful for me over the years. I can definitely get that.
And I know, I think, yeah, I mean just sort of the happy accident, I guess, and just knowing through the podcast and other means, Roompact has been putting out a lot more content oriented towards RAs, like for RAs, by RAs or just really understanding that student staff are an important component of the greater residential education initiative and ecosystem of everything. So I think even if it’s not for RAs, by RAs, it’s at least just being like, “Hey, you work with these people. Let’s build content around that to help support them and make their jobs as effective as possible.”
And the one thing that when I was skimming through the pieces that you have written or things that you’re interested in, one thing that stood out to me that I thought it’d be interesting to bring into this space as somebody who’s on the front lines is the idea of residential students experiencing homesickness. And I think this fits in broadly with culture shock to an extent, because it could be for a domestic student, it could be for an international student for very different reasons, but at the core of it, it’s you feel homesick. You’re in a new environment, new people, new routines and all that kind of stuff. So I’ll start off with the broad question, how from your experience, your perspective, can RAs identify these students who may be experiencing homesickness?

Colin Varnet:
Yeah, I think homesickness is a very important issue to look at. And for my first two years as an RA, I worked in primarily first year housing. My second year I especially worked with a lot of international students so there’s a lot of different flavors to homesickness where some people are in a completely foreign place for the first time, and it’s a lot of cultural adaptation. It’s a lot of trying to figure out brand new friends. They don’t know anybody. It’s hard to communicate, whereas other people, this is their first time away from home, they’ve never experienced having to live solely with their peers and not having that support system to fall back on. So a lot of it has to come from a sense of personal experience.
When I remember thinking about my first time leaving home and how that made me feel, and when I was feeling homesick, I isolated myself a little bit. So identifying students who may or may not appear as if they’re isolating themselves or doing occasional check-ins, ask them that question upfront, be honest. How do you feel being away from home and encourage them that it’s okay if they’re not feeling 100% happy-go-lucky about their new college experience.

Dustin Ramsdell:
Yeah, I think those are pretty just clear, simple pieces of advice is the folks who aren’t engaging, it’s like, yeah, that idea of that of daunting kind of overwhelming feeling of all those things happening at once in addition to obviously just like you have to still be a student and do all, and it’s just like, “Okay, I’m just trying to get by here and I can’t even fathom trying to climb up that very daunting hill of really feeling at home and integrating, and I could be myself. I don’t have to just assimilate or whatever else.” But even that idea of having RAs as those frontline support people, just being very direct and asking, “Hey, I know you’re,” because even that idea of you’re in a different part of the country. It doesn’t feel like maybe it should be so disruptive, but if you’re coming from New England to the American south, that probably will feel just a little odd. Everything’s just a little bit, just enough to feel a bit kind of knocking off your balance and routine and everything.
So I think just being very clear because I think it is that idea of the pleasantries of just being like, “Hey, how you doing,” everybody’s going to be like, “Oh, I’m doing all right, I’m doing good,” whatever. But just being like, “Yeah, I know you’re from away. How you feel like you’re integrating in you feeling homesick at all,” or whatever. They might just be just really clearly trying to open the door to that conversation, it’s such a simple thing and a simple piece of advice, but I think just making sure that folks feel like they can initiate that conversation. Obviously, that student needs to be ready and willing to have it at that time, but I think that is a really good strategy.
And I guess I’ll ask a brief follow-up. I guess just from your experience, certainly the social isolation is one component of why it is important to try to bridge this gap with these students because, okay, if you’re never coming out of your room, things are not likely to get better or not as quickly as they should or could if you’re isolating yourself. But from your perspective, why is this so important to identify these students and try to reach out to them and help get them to be more integrated and not feeling so homesick?

Colin Varnet:
Again, if you’re isolating yourself, you’re not going out and experiencing new experiences that are on the good side of moving to a new college campus. You’re not making new friends as efficiently.
So being the RA, and it is your primary responsibility to support your residents and have resources for them, understanding which resources you need to be able to give them is the critical first step. So if somebody is saying, “Oh yeah, no, I’m feeling a little lonely, I’m feeling a little isolated,” being able to say, “Oh, okay, have you looked at,” and then you show them the list of all the clubs and organizations on campus. You look at, “Oh, there’s this social event happening on this day, at this time at this place. You should totally go,” and be able to support them that way by giving them ways that they can branch out and break out of their shell a little bit before it becomes more of a significant problem than it already is.

Dustin Ramsdell:
Yeah, I mean that’s another good strategy of just being very, I guess it’s part of it is not assuming, but then also just being very direct in the same way of you might ask somebody more pointedly question, just be like, “Well, here are the things. Here’s stuff that’s going on.” And I know sometimes people depending on your style or your vibe, they’d be like, “Hey, I’m going, you want to come with me or you’ll see me there,” if that’s sort of will help smooth the rails there and everything.
But I think what makes this so important is I think you reach out to these students and I think you do just have to try to get through that inertia and then build the momentum of, okay, it’s not as hard as you think it’s going to be, or it’s not as bad as you think it’s going to be getting out there and feeling like you’re integrating, trying new things and getting out of your comfort zone and all of that. I think it sort of begets itself if you try to start to motivate and inspire people to do that, and the higher professionals listening know that idea of just the more socially integrated somebody is, the more they have that safety net, the more likely they are to persist and succeed and just not have it feel like such a rough and bumpy road.
I think sometimes it’s even just like, well, it’s the right thing because people are more satisfied. It’s not even any of these sort of harshing, quantitative like, “Oh, we want to improve our retention rates,” or this or that, the other thing, it’s like, yes, it is important, but how you get there is that people are just having a more pleasant and enjoyable experience in college. It should be fun, it should be engaging, it should feel like you know people, you’re in a friendly and all those sort of things.
So I think there’s a lot of reasons why it’s important, and there’s a lot of, I think strategies, depending on where the person’s at. It could be trying to smooth over getting them out and meeting people or making direct introductions where it’s like, “Hey, well actually there’s somebody, the floor above or below that also is from California and here we are in New York,” and they’ll maybe just be able to, I don’t know. Just share the same kind of background experience and everything, but it could be utilizing counseling services or whatever else.
If it’s just like, okay, this is something more severe, pervasive, and it can be either or both or whatever else, I think it’s just really at least starting that conversation is probably the primary strategy then because that informs you as the RA or anybody else to like, okay, I think this is going to be more or less helpful and that sort of thing.
But I guess with all of that, there’s a variety of strategies. There’s a variety of reasons why this work is important, but it is not simple and clean. It is not just always going to just be, paint my numbers here. So in your experience, what are challenges that come with this? What are some things that have been, I guess, difficult and I guess how you tried to overcome them?

Colin Varnet:
Absolutely. So the starting challenge, which is probably the most expectable one, is that some people don’t want to talk to you. Some people are not social, and it’s okay that some people are not social, and a lot of the time you have to infer their boundaries. So if somebody seems a little standoffish, don’t necessarily be as pressing and extroverted as you would for another resident, but still be there as a support, still offer them resources.
Another thing that I found to be a little successful was I would send out an interest form and just ask people, what are your interests? What do you like to do? And try to plan, especially at the beginning of the first semester, try to plan a lot of my social events around that. Oh, somebody’s super interested in Super Smash Bros, so we’re going to do a Super Smash Bros night in the lounge. Or this other person really loves playing volleyball, so we’ll host a little volleyball tournament for the floor. So things like that where it’s not overtly telling them to come and do something, but trying to entice them with something that they find enjoyable, I think is a great way to subvert that.
As far as other challenges go, I know that it’s sometimes difficult for people to find friends, even when you’re looking at their types of interests. So finding other ways for students to connect. You can look at social media platforms, which a lot of people I know as soon as they go to school, they all add every single person they can think of on Instagram. Encouraging them to reach out and try to be a little bit extroverted, remind them that it’s an uncomfortable process sometimes, but the results and the rewards are always far more benefiting.

Dustin Ramsdell:
Yeah, I think that those are the two good challenges that you noted. That idea that one, you may be just going into the dark, I guess, and into the fog of war of just being, “I assume everybody likes the things that I like,” and that would be a challenge where it’s just like, man, nobody’s engaging, nobody’s coming out or whatever else. Trying to get that interest.
And then even that idea that people may feel it’s difficult when you are, I’m trying to frame this in the right way, but not calling them out and be like, “Well, you should go do this thing over there,” or whatever else. You’re just being like, “Hey, call out to everybody. We’re doing just a broad thing for everybody, which is informed by people’s interests,” but so you know that hopefully that resonates. Hopefully it’s the right time, right place kind of thing. But that it is sort of a group outing. It is not like, “Hey, you person go out to this thing alone or whatever.” It’s like, “Oh, it’s all my neighbors on the floor.” It’s just trying to ease those barriers to entry I think is a good way to kind of circumvent that challenge.
But then even that idea that some people, especially initially what I’ve always loved is if you use something like Discord or Slack or social media, whatever else, whatever your platform or choice is, that can be the initial catalyst for people to chatter, get to know each other, share interest, and they may say, “Hey, well, we’re all going to go get dinner. Who wants to join,” or, “We’re going to go to this event,” or something and those sort of digital interactions and engagement in communities then sort of inform and empower the in-person community.
So I think that’s been always really helpful to see because I think, yeah, even the acknowledgement, I feel like is the idea is like it’s awkward. That’s a challenge, but you know what? It’s awkward for everybody. Some people, yes, they are just gregarious, social butterflies, whatever, but they’re at least just I think, probably able to acknowledge and circumvent or overcome the awkwardness much more easily or flow with the energy, whatever they’re getting with people and keep on going.
But yeah, just that idea that it can be at least the first small step to be like, okay, yeah, I’ve added people on Instagram or whatever else, and you’re commenting, you’re engaging, you’re messaging, you’re doing all those sort of things, and it’s like, yeah, that is a step and sort of honor that and all that. So I guess, have you seen maybe that digital component really come into play here as sort of just another tool to harness? I don’t know if you’ve done anything or have you just seen it be effective for others?

Colin Varnet:
No, absolutely, and I think that’s something that’s not really acknowledged or talked about as much is obviously this is a generation that’s growing up now with so much technology at our fingertips at all points, and while it’s not the same for everybody, I think I’ve seen so many people meet their best friends because they found them on Instagram over the summer and we’re like, “Oh, hey, do you want a room together,” or allowing people to just, you can look around for people that you might be friends with without having that initial awkward reaction of having to actually speak with them up front. And a lot of people feel more comfortable reaching out if they know, oh, it’s just through a phone at first, but if I actually like this person and we want to hang out and be friends, then we’re going to the same school, so we’ll just meet up and say hi.

Dustin Ramsdell:
Yeah, because I think it’s mean, especially coming out of the pandemic, I think some people were just like, I don’t know, they just overdid it. They just want to give some space to all the digital interactions and everything, or the perception that they’re two completely separate things. There’s still, I think, a stubborn notion that the digital world and the real world aren’t intertwined, which of course, they are tightly intertwined.
So I think, and I guess even the other thing that my brain is just going is the notion from the institutional perspective is that they want to own everything or monitor everything, but even that idea of, okay, maybe have your own channels where you bring everybody together and then yeah, that’s the way that somebody could look through everybody in the Facebook group to friend on Instagram, whatever, and then they’re going to go and scatter and have their own conversations privately, not under the prying eyes of the institution, but at least maybe model the way or give that sort of initial impetus sort of opportunity for students to have those digital interactions.
Because it can be so informative and so helpful to build a sort of camaraderie and even just have that chance for the best of both worlds where there’s a asynchronous self-paced nature of Discord and Slack where it’s like, yeah, catch up when you can. Everybody’s chattering in there and you can chime in or not, or whatever, and obviously you can do the private chats and everything, but that can just help people to be like, “Hey, well, we’re all here. If you want to grab lunch or dinner, just let me know.”
And that’s just the mechanism and people would likely do that, which ends up at the positive outcome we’re looking for to alleviate homesickness and everything else, versus it’s like, yeah, it’s like it’s tough. I’m going to go knock on your door? Maybe. Not initially. That’s a tall order for people. You drive up to somebody’s house, you text them and you like, “Hey, I’m here,” because it’s, I don’t know. Knocking, your doorbell. Feels intrusive, I guess. I don’t know.
So we will wrap it up here though. I’ll give you the opportunity if there are resources or just final bits of advice, final thoughts that you have on this topic, reflections, whatever else. Take this as you will, but wrap it up for us. Just final advice for RAs out there on this issue.

Colin Varnet:
My last big piece of advice that I could give to anybody would be start as early as possible, especially after moving in. RAs move in early, they go through some sort of summer training, the back to school effect kind of subdues for them, but remember, for a lot of people who come in during moving, this is their first time ever here. So having to maintain that high energy all the way through before classes get difficult, before exams start coming up, just go hardcore for the lack of a better term right at the beginning and say, “Here. Hi, I’m the RA, how can I help you?” And then start working on introductions and social events and getting your floor super engaged at the beginning so that you can take more of a relaxed seat as things move along by themselves.

Dustin Ramsdell:
Yeah, because that’s what I think is with communities. At a certain point, you shouldn’t have to be doing it all. They should be wanting to do stuff themselves, and you can be supportive of that being like, “Yeah, I’ll help pay for the food, or whatever else.”
But yeah, I think that initial front loaded approach will help address the potential for homesickness. Don’t be reactionary, be proactive and try to just prime the pump to make sure that because there can be real lasting effects. If it’s just like, “Oh yeah, my first semester was really hard and I flunked out of a class or I had to drop it,” or whatever. It’s like hopefully we avoid that as much as possible. We’d want to have people feel like they’re getting that smooth, strong start and feel confident moving on through their whole academic journey and everything. So obviously RAs and the folks who work with them and support them have an important role in helping to support all the residents at your institution to be feeling as least homesick as possible.
But appreciate you for writing and thinking on this and for jumping on and talking about it. And yeah, just appreciate you being part of the Roompact blogging team. So yeah, just thanks for hanging out.

Colin Varnet:
Thank you so much. Happy to be here.