National Coming Out Day is October 11. For some people, it is a day of celebration. For others, it may be a reminder of a journey they are still navigating. As student staff, we may never know which residents are questioning their identity, looking for resources, trying out a different name or pronouns, or simply wondering whether their community is a place they can be themselves.
One of the most important things you can do is create a community where residents don’t have to explain or disclose everything about themselves in order to feel welcome.
When you think about someone “coming out,” you might imagine one conversation where a person tells someone else who they are. Sometimes that is what it looks like. But identity can be much more complicated than one conversation.
The first few weeks of a term can be a period of significant adjustment. Residents are meeting new people, figuring out their routines, and becoming more immersed in their campus and residential communities. For some, that new environment can also create space to explore parts of themselves they may not have felt comfortable exploring before. National Coming Out Day is one reminder that these experiences don’t look the same for everyone, and coming out doesn’t necessarily happen all at once. As a student staff member, you may be one of the people they choose to talk to while they are figuring that out.
Sometimes, It’s Just a Question
A resident might not sit down and say, “I need to tell you something about my identity.”
It might sound more like:
“Can I change the name on my door?”
“Do you know where the LGBTQ+ resource center is?”
“Can you use these pronouns for me?”
“What happens if I want to change my name in the housing system?”
These moments can feel small, but they matter. You don’t need to have every answer. You don’t need to become an expert on every LGBTQIA+ identity or experience. And you don’t have to identify as LGBTQIA+ yourself to be someone a resident can turn to.
What matters is knowing enough to help connect residents to the people and resources that can support them. Take some time to learn what is available on your campus. Know where your resource center is. Know whether there are student organizations, affinity groups, peer communities, or other resources that residents can connect with. You don’t need to memorize every service they offer. You just want to know where to start when a resident comes to you with a question.
And if you don’t know the answer, it is okay to say so. Being supportive doesn’t mean pretending to know everything. It means being willing to listen, ask questions, learn, and help someone find the right resource.
The Small Stuff
With move-in wrapped up, you might have spent a lot of time creating visible signs of welcome. You made door decorations. You made bulletin boards. You put up community information and even started planning. Those things matter, but inclusion can also show up in smaller ways.
Maybe your door decoration template gives residents a place to share their pronouns, but you also remember that they can change. Maybe a resident lets you know they use a different name, and you make sure you use it consistently. Maybe you notice that a resource for LGBTQ+ students is included alongside the other resources you share with residents instead of only appearing during Pride Month.
You may never know whether someone noticed the resource on your bulletin board, appreciated that you used their pronouns correctly, or felt a little more comfortable because you didn’t make assumptions about their identity. You may never know who needed that signal.
It’s Okay Not to Know
Sometimes a resident may share something with you that you aren’t sure how to navigate.
That’s okay. Being a student staff member does not mean you are expected to have every answer or personally solve every situation. Your professional staff, campus resource centers, and other trained resources are there for a reason.
If a resident tells you something that affects their housing experience, you may need to communicate with your professional staff so they can help you determine what support or process is appropriate. But remember that a resident trusting you with something personal doesn’t automatically mean everyone needs to know. It is important to maintain resident privacy where possible.
Think about what information actually needs to be shared, who needs it, and how you communicate it. If you’re unsure, ask your supervisor privately rather than discussing a resident’s identity or personal information with your entire team. Sometimes your role is simply to be the bridge between a resident and the resource or person who can help them.
You May Never Know
The reality is that you may never know which resident needed to hear that they were welcome.
You may never know who was questioning their identity while sitting across from you during a program. You may never know who noticed the LGBTQ+ resource on your bulletin board. You may never know who appreciated that you asked for their pronouns without making it a big deal. You may never know who needed someone to simply use their name correctly.
And you don’t need to know.
National Coming Out Day is a reminder that people have different experiences with identity, coming out, and self-expression. As student staff, we have an opportunity to create communities where residents can thrive and connect.
