A quick and essential disclaimer to start: I have never been one to believe in perfect work/life balance. Or at least not what many folx see as that perfect balance – complete segmentation and no crossing of boundaries between apportioned “work time” and “life time.” Maybe it’s because I am the child of secondary school educators, whose field has a similar relationship between life and work that I find in our field of student affairs. Maybe it’s because I was a live-in professional for just under a decade and have been on-call in some capacity for half-a-decade more. Or maybe it’s just because when you work on a college campus, and town life is at least impacted if not built around college life, work and life seem to blend together whether you want them to or not.
Whatever the reason, I was especially appreciative when my research took me to Rankin and Gulley’s (2018) article in the Journal of College & University Student Housing on Work/Life Boundary Integration. At the time, I was an entry-level professional still making meaning of the live-in life, with a partner who had been living-in with me for years and a cat and dog who really enjoyed their Resident Assistant pet-sitters. The concept of a boundary integration continuum really spoke to me and felt more aligned with my reality – our field does not give much opportunity for complete separation of our work and life outside of work, regardless of the ideal that certain programs, keynotes, and articles may project onto us. As I considered this concept and continued my research, I adjusted and readjusted my space, interpersonal, and time boundaries in ways that worked best for me and my family, and felt more at peace with my new concept of “balance.”
Then my kid came along.
Having a child brings a never-ending era of personal reflection. At least for me it has, and I’ll admit reflection is a resting state for me. My child’s presence in my life causes me to reflect regularly on my interests, relationships, health, and my own childhood. And naturally, given that they are a newer and integral part of the “life” part of my “work/life” boundaries, they cause me to reflect regularly on those boundaries and how much to allow them to integrate. Here are a few thoughts on where those boundaries currently are for me in my day-to-day as a parent working as a residence life professional, broken down into Rankin and Gulley’s framework of space, interpersonal, and time boundaries.
Second quick and essential disclaimer: My wife is an amazing partner and co-parent of our one and only child. My ability to have the boundaries I describe below are as much due to her partnership as to the more work-related factors I note.
Space boundaries
Many parents know and understand this: it’s often difficult if not impossible to have a kid be where you are physically working, and it’s also sometimes impossible for them to not be there. Childcare and school closures, items forgotten at the office, last-minute or surprise tasks, and parenting arrangements make this boundary a challenging one. I am lucky that I work in a department that both recognizes and supports this reality, where as long as you are still able to get what you need to done and others around you can as well, it’s more than okay for your child to join the space.
Now, as I write this my child is still a toddler, so I have not had them in the office much. But there have been a few exceptions where I have set them up with some markers and either a dry erase board or big piece of paper, and I keep “stuffies” in my office for these occasions as well. It’s helpful for those moments when I pick them up from daycare and still need to go back to the office for something, or daycare is closed and I have chosen to still work at least a little that day. I also really do enjoy bringing them to events when I do not need to work them, or my main job is having some presence – my kid has visited every residential community on campus, whether for a program or stopping by to say hi during move-in or move-out, and they call most of the buildings on campus we drive by as “daddy’s office.”
Conversely, I allow work to enter the home for me in a few different ways. I work in a rather flexible department, so I do work from home on occasion, and when I am on-call work is naturally more of a presence in my home. But I do try to be similarly intentional and space-bound within my home on this, keeping it either to a specific table or desk and separating that from spaces where I am engaging with my child. Of course I allow the “swag” to permeate a bit more – my kid loves their college shirts and stickers too much to not. There have been times when I’ve needed to integrate further, and I’ve tried to keep those times at a minimum for the sake of everyone involved – tantrums and Teams meetings do not mix well. But some space boundary integration works for me and for the professional and supervisor I want to be.
Interpersonal boundaries
We work in a people-forward field, so allowing integration across space boundaries naturally leads to integration across interpersonal boundaries. Most people I work with know my child’s name and will ask about them, and I will bring up their latest escapades in icebreakers, teambuilders, and presentation anecdotes. I’ll share pictures of them in meetings and introduce them to colleagues at big events, where they have at times played with those colleagues’ children as well. Being a parent is a salient identity for me at the moment, and I appreciate that my work environment allows me to be myself in this way. I hope my doing so as a supervisor perpetuates that environment as well.
I’ve also allowed integration across this boundary more through personal connections with some of the parents with whom I work. I’m lucky to work with multiple parents who have children around the same age as mine. As I’m still relatively new to the city in which I live and work, not only learning from them the best places to take a toddler but also experiencing some of those places together has made me feel more at home and more understood at work. As I have continued to build parenting connections both within and outside of work, I have not kept those domains separate, instead opting to bring those communities together. Some of this aligns with how I have always approached interpersonal connections, ever since my “neighbors” were my colleagues, but it also simply aligns with how I choose to approach life in general.
Time boundaries
My time boundary is the one I’ve adjusted the most since becoming a parent – the most rigid, the most important in my point of view. While I’m more than fine with my child knowing where I work and who I work with and vice versa, I also want my child to know my time is their time whenever they want or need that. I keep e-mail and work messaging off my personal phone, try to only “catch-up” on things when they are asleep, and make efforts to “reset” as much as possible from stressful days and situations before pick-up. Occasionally, I will allow work happenings to intrude on my time with my child because they are events or experiences I genuinely believe they will enjoy; seeing those experiences through their eyes also brings me renewed joy in our work. Other times, when I need to cross that time boundary, I only intentionally involve my kid when I know I can still give them my undivided attention if they need it in the moment; otherwise, I do my best not to involve them.
I recognize it’s a privilege to be able to hold this boundary, and a lot of that privilege comes from working in a position and department where I not only can afford full-time daycare, but also can make this boundary a reality almost whenever I want and can plan ahead for it. I say plan ahead because seasons such as move-ins, welcome weeks, and move-outs I can look and plan ahead with my family for, and on-call shifts I mostly am able to schedule well in advance. The times I cannot plan ahead for are when issues come along and set me behind on a deadline, and it seems like clockwork that these are the times when my kid gets sick and I need to pick them up early from daycare. I try to view these as life and work both reminding me to slow down and what’s important in life, as well as how to put up status messages and auto-replies on the fly.
I know these boundaries and thoughts will not work for every parent for innumerable reasons. Even from my individual perspective, this is what works for me in this era of my work and parenting life; it’s changed from even six months ago, and I’m sure it will look different six months from now. What I think is most important is that I keep reflecting and checking in not only with myself, but also with my child and co-parent on how my job and our field – ones that can cross many boundaries if left unchecked – are aligning with what we want and need. And I’ll encourage readers to do the same when it comes to who and what are important in your lives, whether parenting or not.
Referenced article citation: Rankin, P. R. I., & Gulley, N. Y. (2018). Boundary integration and work/life balance when you live where you work: A study of residence life professionals. The Journal of College and University Student Housing, 44(2), 64–81. Retrieved from http://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/acuho/journal_vol44no2/
