Residence life supervisors spend a lot of time and energy supporting staff who are struggling, and rightfully so. But you can’t forget about the anchors of your team. You know, the ones who turn things in early, show up to every event, and volunteer before you even finish the sentence? That’s right, I’m talking about your best RAs, the ones who are often also at risk of being overlooked, over-relied on, or overworked.
It’s easy to assume they’re fine, but that assumption can lead to burnout, resentment, and even exploitation. High performing staff deserve just as much attention and intention, and I wrote this blog post to help you with that. Below are some statements and questions to bring into your one-on-ones with your top team members, all focused on honoring their strengths while creating space for rest, balance, and identity development.
“I’ve noticed I ask you for help first, and you often volunteer for extra tasks. I appreciate you, and I also want to rebalance the workload.”
If we’re not careful, we create an unspoken dynamic where top performers become the default problem-solver. So, have the hard conversation. Name it. Then commit to distributing tasks more equitably. Bonus: ask if they’d be comfortable with you acknowledging it in front of the team next time. Example: “Ashley is usually the one who steps up, but I want to make sure we’re all contributing. Can I get some different volunteers?” When it comes down to it, the rest of your team deserves to learn and grow from these additional opportunities, too.
“What do you want to keep doing, and what do you want to do less of?”
Goal-setting is usually part of regular coaching and performance evaluations. With high performers, those conversations tend to center on doing more, being better, pushing harder, which can unintentionally feed perfectionism. Try flipping the script: focus on what they already do well and help them identify what’s worth preserving & what can be scaled back. Growth can also look like continuing successful behaviors or even subtracting.
“Let’s talk about what we can let slide next semester. How can I challenge you to do less?”
One of my favorite ways to coach perfectionists is to give them explicit permission to be average. For example: checking email only once a day, not responding to every group chat message, and hosting a program that’s low-effort and just “fine.” Frame this conversation with autonomy and curiosity, not mandates, and don’t just suggest cutting the parts they enjoy and keep them energized, like team bonding or creative bulletin boards. Ask: “What’s something you’re doing out of obligation that doesn’t actually bring you or your residents value?”
“Meeting expectations is an A. Exceeding them is extra credit.”
Top performers often approach RA work like academics: if an A is good, then an A+ is better. This framing can help them recalibrate: Meeting expectations is excellent. It’s not the baseline, it’s the goal. Your role is to help them define “enough” and internalize that it’s healthy and sustainable to “just” meet expectations.
“You are a top performer. I want to celebrate you, not give you more work.”
Too often, recognition comes in the form of more responsibility. Resist that urge. Instead, focus on authentic praise and meaningful celebration. Tell them when you brag about them in other rooms, nominate them for awards, and write them a recommendation letter just because (this can go on LinkedIn). Being seen and celebrated without strings attached can be more powerful than any leadership opportunity.
“It’s okay to mess up. If you ever do, here’s what would happen, and I’m still here to support you.”
High achieving students often catastrophize failure. They may fear that one misstep will erase everything they’ve built, and we even sometimes push them into this corner by saying things like, “Oh, of course Ashley’s got it,” or, “I knew you’d be the first person to finish xyz task.” Challenge yourself to stop making compliments sound like inevitabilities, and focus on grounding them in your support, even hypothetically. Explain your accountability process transparently. Reassure them that their worth is not conditional on perfection, and that mistakes, while addressed, don’t define them.
“What do you want to prioritize this semester outside of this job?”
Sometimes, top RAs need a reminder that they’re also students, friends, artists, athletes, and humans who inherently deserve rest and leisure. After all, they are people with lives beyond the residence hall. Asking this question can help you support them in their identity development and a fuller, more balanced college experience. Just don’t forget to follow up and follow through; next time they are doing the most, you might bring up these other things they vowed to spend time on.
In summary? Celebrate them. Protect their time. Challenge them to grow in ways that don’t just serve the department, but serve them.
