There isn’t a guidebook for firing an RA. I mean, there are usually work rules, job descriptions, and an HR department that lead us to the decision. But none of that will prepare you for the human side, like how it feels to deliver the news, how to cope afterward, and how to move forward with your team. Let’s talk about the messy middle: the guilt, the grief, and the growth that comes with carrying out a termination, including some of my go-to guidance.
Come prepared with resources and answers. Bring more than a final decision. Have information ready to support their transition, like off-campus housing brochures, counseling center intake links, financial aid contacts, and clear appeal information. Think about immediate needs too: What programs, duty shifts, or check-ins were they scheduled for, and how will you cover them? Being properly equipped will help you confidently lead this difficult conversation.
Cut to the chase. In student affairs, we’re often taught to ease into hard conversations with rapport-building. But in this case, avoid the small talk. Get to the point with directness and respect. Once the meeting begins, say, “Thank you for meeting with me. As you know, we’re here to talk about the outcome of you not [insert job responsibility]. The result of that outcome is termination, which means you’ll no longer be serving in your RA role as of today.”
Offer choices. After sharing the news, give them some autonomy and control back. This can be as simple as, “Do you want me to share more about next steps or would you like to take a moment to process this?” As you move through your conversation, continue to offer them agency with options when you can.
Acknowledge the loss without centering yourself. A termination conversation can bring on nervousness for the person delivering it, but you have to remember that the conversation is way harder for them than it is for you. You should be compassionate and still maintain your composure as the person with the power in this situation.
Spell out what happens next. Tell them what you’ll communicate, when, and how (a simple message to the team might be, “Ashley is no longer in the RA role. We’ll discuss next steps at our upcoming staff meeting.”). Do they want you to remove them from the group chat or will they leave themselves? Can you give them a sign to post on their door in case residents come looking for them? Can you share some suggestions for responses when residents or peers reach out to them? What items do they need to turn in? Let them know their duties will be covered, even in the short term. Being detailed might feel awkward, but clarity helps everyone move forward with purpose.
Let them be upset with you. Being fired is a big deal. They’re allowed to feel angry, hurt, or confused, and that might be directed at you. Your job isn’t to fix that. You can hold space for it, own your position in the power dynamic, and not retreat just because it’s hard.
Acknowledge the future of the relationship. If you’re open to continued contact, tell them, “If we run into each other on campus, I’ll wait for you to say hi first,” or “I’m going to reach out to you in a month to check in. You don’t have to respond, but I want you to know I am here to support you outside of this role.” Remind them that they have the agency to decide what their story is and if/how they want to carry on relationships with people they met in the workplace.
Preserve their dignity. No matter the reason for the termination, it’s important to separate the role from the person. Remind them that this doesn’t have to define their future and that there is hope ahead: “This didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be successful.” It’s not about softening the blow, but more about investment in their development as a student.
Ride the waves of your staff’s big feelings. The rest of your team will feel things, even if they think the RA simply quit: disappointment, confusion, and in some situations, relief. You shouldn’t share confidential details, but you do need to acknowledge the change. Try, “I know you have a lot of questions, and I might not be able to answer all of them. I want to take our time and figure out a path forward together.” That goes a lot farther than, “We’re not going to talk about it,” because silence breeds speculation. Avoiding the topic doesn’t stop the conversation; it just moves it out of your earshot. Use this moment to steer your team through the discomfort, correct unhelpful assumptions, and model transparent, compassionate leadership.
Find a place to dump your thoughts and emotions. You’re not a robot carrying out institutional consequences. To put it plainly, hard things like this will feel hard. You’re allowed to feel unsure, emotional, and even completely drained. So what do you do with that? Find some appropriate outlets: journal, create, schedule time off, talk to someone outside of residence life, or take time to process with your supervisor. The work will continue, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t recoup.
Decide what you learned. There is no award for firing an RA, nor should there be. It’s not something to brag about, but it is something to reflect on. What would you do differently next time? Maybe the student gave you critical feedback about how you handled the process. Maybe you realized you waited too long to act, or moved too quickly. Go beyond being relieved that it’s over and let the situation make you better.
There’s no way to make firing someone feel easy or good. Your job is to supervise, and sometimes, this is what it looks like: complicated, emotional, uncomfortable, and necessary.
