My blog post for Roompact this month is a reflection on my past few weeks, which have frankly been one of the most difficult times of my life. A close family member of mine suddenly passed away with no warning. I was thrown into planning a funeral a couple states away from my home, a challenge made all the harder by the fact that my wedding is in two months. I have been challenged by the financial burden, the complicated legal systems, the family drama, and much more. But, it is the grief, the thought that this person will not be present at our wedding, and the thought that he will not be anywhere again with his joyful energy, that really makes it all so hard. How do I go back and manage my student leaders when going through something so difficult?
After a week off, I had to fall right back into rhythm with work. As I met with my student leaders during 1:1s, I realized a lot of hard things were going on in their lives as well. And, because of the suddenness of my situation and lack of communication, my students thought I had randomly left for a vacation! They thought I had left them in struggles to fend for themselves and handle hard things alone. Between my own experience and hearing about what my student leaders were going through, I wanted to share some things to think about if you are grieving while also trying to support your residents. While each of us is unique, and you as a student leader are likely not in the exact same spot as I am, experiencing grief, feeling overwhelmed, and like things are too heavy to carry are natural human experiences that impact all of us at different points in our lives.
Being honest and vulnerable can go a long way. It is okay to tell your residents when you are going through something hard. For example, in my situation, when I let my student leaders know that I was dealing with the death of a close family member, they were understanding and quick to give me grace and a little space. Letting your residents know that you aren’t ignoring them, but are dealing with some of your own hard issues can help them realize you still care about them but that you need to take time to care for yourself in this particular moment. It’s also a great example for your residents to see you, someone they probably look up to, admitting that you go through hard things too and need support as well in life.
That being said, don’t look for support from your residents. While I informed my student leaders I was going through a death in the family, I did not go into any of the hard specific details or break down sobbing with them. I let them know that I was grieving and that it was a hard time. I accepted their hugs and offers of sympathy but still moved on with business with them. It’s good for them to understand what I am going through, but I don’t need my student leaders to carry me through this hard time. Outside of work, I sobbed with my friends and my family, my support people. Find your support people to lean on during these hard times and give yourself a little break from your residents if you are able.
Another reason I would encourage sharing what you are going through with people is it makes the burden lighter. Let your coworkers know you could use some extra assistance. Let your supervisor or professors know you need extensions. Let your friends know you need them to check in with you. Maybe try out therapy if it’s not already a part of your regular routine. Your community will likely want to come around you and support you. It can be surprising and overwhelming, but beautiful to watch your people gather around you and help you through a hard time.
There is no easy or right way to get through grief. If you feel like things are getting away from you, remember that people want to help. Your residents need real role models to follow, not people with perfect lives. Let those around you extend grace to you and lean into it. If you are reading this now and going through something difficult, I wish you the best as you navigate the sorrow and loneliness that comes with grief. I hope you reach out for help and treat yourself kindly during this difficult time.
