This April marked 25 years since I graduated from my undergraduate institution, The Florida State University (forever and always, Go Noles!). This is important to note because I served as a RA there. I have lived and learned a lot since then so my advice is both rooted in wisdom and practical knowledge from doing this work for 20+years. Drum roll please…my one piece of advice that I would give to a new RA is….be genuinely interested in getting to know your residents. Simple concept, am I right? It’s so simple that it becomes so hard for some RAs to actually do.
But what if getting to know someone genuinely doesn’t come naturally to you. That’s fine, there are steps that you can take to better hone your skills and become a pro at getting to know your residents.
While this isn’t always the case, most RAs have some form of one-on-one connection they must complete with their residents either monthly or in some other iteration. This concept seems to work better with our first year residents a bit more than our upper class students but they could also benefit from these connection points. Most of them just don’t know they need it. I have often told RAs that this job actually pays you to talk to people and get to know them better. If you need a good excuse to knock on the door, use that, but once you’re inside the rest of the work is on you. Make sure you ask open-ended questions. Encourage your residents to share about themselves by asking questions like, “What are you passionate about?” or “What was your favorite part of your day?” This invites meaningful conversation rather than simple yes/no answers. The point is to get to know them as best you can so you can start making connections with them and connecting them to others on the floor or within the larger community.
To get to know someone genuinely you do that by asking open-ended questions and then practice active listening. Cut out all distractions and focus fully on what they’re saying, maintain eye contact, and show that you’re engaged through nodding or verbal affirmations like “I see” or “That sounds interesting.” Avoid interrupting or turning the conversation back to yourself. This can be a hard concept for some because we often want to interject or insert ourselves into someone else’s story. This is not the time for that. All eyes (and ears) on them!
In addition to asking open-ended questions and practicing active listening, getting to know someone genuinely means you have to embrace the conversation with the amount of honor and respect it deserves. You are taking time to understand who someone else is and how as their RA you can impact their life in the best way possible. Ok you probably won’t find this out after the first meeting but ultimately this should be part of your logic for making these connections. With that being said, be authentic. Show genuine curiosity and care. Share a little about yourself when appropriate, which helps build trust and encourages openness. Yes, obligation might have brought you to their door and this conversation but your desire to care for another human being and their experience at your institution should keep you there.
Life happens really fast. With that in mind I hope you can embrace your youth for as long as you can. By that I mean, I hope both your knees and mind stays strong. Your mind is the best tools that you have, so use it to remember details. Pay close attention to what the person shares like their hobbies, goals, or experiences they have had on campus or before coming there and follow up on those topics in future conversations. It demonstrates that you value what they tell you. The little things matter the most in situations like this. Remembering a birthday or how someone likes to be celebrated and doing that for them can mean so much.
With all of this other great wisdom, it is important to note that genuinely getting to know someone also means that you respect boundaries. While the conversations may seem a little forced at first, do your best to allow them to develop naturally and respect their comfort level. Sometimes, people need time before they open up fully. The beauty of this is, these conversations will be ongoing. They may not be as in depth each time but when building relationships with residents it takes a consistent effort from you and that person to get to know them. Hopefully they will match your effort!
Embrace your first year of being a RA. It truly was the best job/leadership experience that I could have ever asked for in college. It opened doors to so many other opportunities that have helped shape the person and professional that I am today. Don’t take this opportunity lightly or for granted. You have been tasked with helping students connect to each other in a larger community both within the residence hall and beyond. This is such a great honor! Use it wisely and get to know your residents genuinely!
