~ Blog Posts Written By RAs for RAs ~
Everyone has their own perspective. With different values, opinions, and backgrounds, it’s reasonable that some topics are difficult to discuss without descending into madness. Whether it’s a topic such as…a heated national election for example, maintaining civil dialogue is important, and especially so on a university campus.
As an RA, I have personally experienced many moments where residents have differing political views, leading to conflict. When tasked with holding a “table talk” type of conversation (where an RA facilitates a program to discuss topics such as mental health, gender identity, etc.) it’s important to set ground rules and maintain order, so that we can all build a better sense of understanding and mutual respect.
The Importance of Ground Rules
No one likes it when a conversation devolves into an argument, especially when there’s yelling involved. I’ve personally felt a little silly when making sure to establish ground rules, it made me feel like my elementary school teacher. However, it was only after seeing it in practice that I started to understand how they maintain order, and help people come to a sense of understanding (or at least simmer down to a more manageable level).
Suggested Ground Rules:
- Listen to understand, not to respond.
- Use “I” statements to avoid an accusatory tone.
- Avoid profanity, and speak in turns.
Facilitating Respectful Exchange During Heated Moments
Even with the best of ground rules, discussions on sensitive topics can quickly escalate. Personal opinions and experiences often tie closely with a resident’s identity, making certain controversial takes feel intensely personal. I’ve found that by acknowledging tension behind a conversation, and leading by example (maintain composure, avoid assigning blame) help to keep a conversation civil, even when someone initially feels offended.
For instance, if a resident shows concern over an issue that is very personal to them, and another resident disagrees, both may become defensive and closed-minded. As an RA, you can help them find common ground by reframing their views with neutral language, such as, “This topic is clearly affecting both of you, and while you probably won’t be changing each other’s minds, we should try to understand why the other feels this way and see if we can be more understanding.”
Using Neutral Language:
- Avoid words such as “right” or “wrong,” as they can imply personal bias and judgement.
- Use phrases like “I appreciate your perspective” or “I see where you’re coming from.” Simple, non-committal phrases ease tensions and keep participants open-minded.
- Avoid responding to one party more than the other, this is to avoid looking like you’re taking sides.
Encouraging Reflection with Open-Ended Questions
Ask some open-ended questions! Your goal as an RA is to facilitate dialogue, not to avoid it. By asking questions which constructively provoke dialogue, you move the conversation forward without devolving into abstract arguments.
Examples of effective questions include:
- “How has this issue impacted you personally?”
- “What are some parts about the other person’s opinion that you can both agree on?”
- “What would you want someone else to understand about your viewpoint?”
By prompting personal connections to the topic, residents should hopefully be more comfortable sharing honestly without feeling pressured to be defensive, and therefore, argumentative.
Bias and Microaggressions
Bias and microaggressions are things we all hold—despite our best intentions. When you notice potential bias arising in a conversation, feel free to intervene and redirect the conversation to be more productive. For example, when someone gives a broad generalization about a group such as “All women are ____” or “[Insert political party] are _____”, try to shift the tone by saying “Let’s try to focus more on the individual level and see where we can move from there.”
If microaggressions arise, addressing them in real-time can prevent further discomfort. Remind residents of the agreed-upon ground rules and the importance of respect. Even though this can make you uncomfortable, doing this is crucial for maintaining a respectful environment for everyone involved. See an attached link to an article about microaggressions and how to deal with them.
Guiding the Conversation to a Positive Outcome
The goal of this discussion should not be to make residents agree, despite how ideal that would be. And go into the conversation knowing this, and feel free to disclose to the residents that they might not leave happy. Remind them that instead, you’re here to help foster a sense of understanding, or at least to show how people with significantly differing views can cohabitate peacefully.
It can be difficult to have difficult conversations, and sometimes it feels a little outside of your paygrade as an RA to have them. Think of them more as a personal opportunity to grow and prepare yourself for professional life where you might be on the other end of a heated debate. Being an RA is an excellent way to build interpersonal skills such as this, and helping others can help you in the future.
