Let’s Have a Conversation (About Intentional Conversations)

For those of us who have been “in the game” for a while now, we have likely both facilitated an intentional conversation and also been a part of the conversation with student staff for the “why” and the “how” of intentional conversations on our home campuses. Of course, this strategy connects to one of the core purposes of residence life– to create a sense of community and belonging in our residential communities. Before curriculum, before KCE, before the shift in having to spend more working hours to collect and share data to inform others about the importance of the work we do– these conversations truly were simply about empowering our student leaders to be that welcoming and comforting presence to our residents.

But, intentional conversations have become more complex– for most of us we don’t simply just ask, “How are you doing?” anymore. Sometimes we ask, “What clubs or organizations are you involved in on-campus?” or maybe we dive deeper, “How do you plan to navigate conflict if it arises in your shared living space?”. We plan out these strategies to try to learn more about the residential student experience– how we can offer the proper support and resources, how we can ensure we have a good pulse on overall community trends and concerns, how we can provide more focused opportunities for education and development, etc.

As we dive deeper, we often face (perhaps some well-deserved) criticism from our student staff members… “How do you expect me to ask this in a normal conversation?”, “Asking everyone the same question and not considering their individual experiences doesn’t seem authentic or genuine.”, and so on. I believe that there is a “Goldilocks Moment” out there waiting for us in Residence Life where we can get it just right– a strong balance between building community, prioritizing individual needs, collecting data for necessary assessment, AND teaching our student staff how to have a conversation with their residents.

Building Community

Going back to the basics, these conversations are about building community. If our staff go in with a “checkbox approach”, we are failing. Yes, it is important for our staff to meet expectations and get the information/context we are wanting if we are providing prompted questions. But, it is more important that they see our intentional conversation strategies as a way to engage, build rapport, and foster community. As the person overseeing our residential engagement strategies through our curriculum at my home institution, I get most excited when I read responses from RAs where I can tell that the conversation gave them true insight into their resident’s interests, hobbies, and dreams.

Prioritizing the Individual

While having standard prompts helps give our team a starting framework, real connection rarely follows a script. If we treat every resident as if they have the exact same needs, lived experiences, or background, we miss the mark completely. We have to help our RAs understand that an intentional conversation won’t always fit into a neat box. For our team, we provide a different set of questions for our first-year students and for our continuing students. We also provide two different questions for each of those populations during a “Connections Round”, so their RA can choose which one best fits that resident’s needs and the overall flow of their conversation. When we give RAs the autonomy to adapt their approach while honoring the core intent of the strategy, we move away from disingenuous data collection to authentic relationship-building.

Collecting Data and Completing Assessment

On the administrative side, we cannot overlook the fact that these conversations serve as vital touchpoints for department-wide assessment. When thousands of these interactions happen across a single semester, they provide an unmatched pulse on the residential student experience. By intentionally gathering both quantitative data (i.e., tracking campus resource utilization) and qualitative insights (i.e., recurring themes around academic success, community involvement, roommate conflicts, etc.) we can advocate for our residents in real-time. This data shouldn’t be collected just to sit on a shelf or satisfy higher-level leadership. It should directly shape how we allocate resources, refine our engagement strategies, and communicate the true value of a positive and intentional residential experience.

Teaching Our Staff to Have a Conversation (and Document it)

Ultimately, we cannot expect our student staff to intuitively know how to facilitate these interactions without equipping them with the right tools. RAs can feel overwhelmed not by the concept itself as we see a decline in social comfort and development. Then there are the logistics they have to navigate, they may ask: “How do I weave in a required prompt without sounding like an interviewer?” or “How do I log this afterward?”. It is our job to prepare those instructions and answers. Building robust facilitation guides, modeling conversation during training, and providing examples of stellar documentation turn what feels like a daunting administrative task into a manageable skill. When we teach our staff how to listen actively, adapt as needed, and document takeaways efficiently, we aren’t just improving our department’s data—we are teaching our student leaders a life skill in interpersonal communication that will serve them long after they graduate.