by Diego Abraham
The rising generation of college students is changing residence life practice through their earnestness, determination, and yearning for wealth, success, and admiration. I am of the very firm belief that in order to develop an excellent RA, you have to develop an excellent person. This particular role, alongside with the professional staff members that support them, is amongst the only lifestyle jobs that morph into your day to day, rather than being compartmentalized from a home space and a work space. You work where you live, so when do you get a chance to develop personally, separate from professionally, if it’s even possible in this profession. To develop a better person, you need to stop being nice to them – be kind.
This blog series features different writers responding to the prompt, “How is the rising generation of college students changing residence life practice?”
Nice is what you do to make people feel good, rather than kind is what you do to make people be good. Nice things to do are not rock the boat, avoid upsetting people, and lead with feelings before action. While this may not be a concrete depiction of overall niceness, my point is that someone that does not want to upset you over something you need to hear, change, improve, or stop doing, does not seem very nice to me. As individuals that are tasked to train, develop and protect our rising generation of students and leadership teams, we must not be their first taste of duplicity, bureaucracy and lack of intentionality. Telling a student exactly what you think/need to say/do for them to take a moment to reflect, recognize and adapt to what you bring up, is the kindest thing you can do for a developing young adult.
If you see something, say something – why would you let your student fail at risk of hurting their feelings, when they may already be hurting themselves, with you at the front row too afraid to be disliked and misunderstood. To be kind, is to be concerned with doing the right thing (ethical), addressing concerns at the risk of entering conflict (advocate), and being honest even if it’s uncomfortable (mentorship). You can be honest without telling the truth – which is something I could also talk about for days, though the ultimate way to be nice and kind is to be compassionate, supportive, and respectful of the fact that our students are still learning and growing – just like we are, so why not set them up for success rather than leading them out to the real world with no true skills, teachings and autonomy.
Kindness in leadership, especially in residence life, demands the same courage we expect from our students. They confront difficult and uncomfortable situations and conversations, and the last thing we need them to do is be nice, rather than purposeful and earnest with the other young adults they support too. Leading with discomfort demonstrates that change and growth is not too often easy and gentle, you must be willing to challenge yourself and the people around you. Change is not convenient, nor immediate, thus we need to be consistent and nurturing to the fullest extent we can be. We tell our students not to make promises to their residents that they cannot keep, so we especially should not be doing that to our student leaders. We are showing our students that accountability is not a punishment, but a form of believing in them that they can rise to mutual expectations that are only for their earnest benefit.
If our students witness our honesty, empathy and fairness, they begin to understand that that integrity is not simply a value we promote during their training, rather is a lifestyle mindset that they need to uphold in this lifestyle profession. If we guide with courage and purpose, our students will leave our residence halls not just as good leaders, but good humans, who I hope will always choose what’s right, advocate, and be the change they wish to see in the world.
