For many of us working in student affairs, whether fresh out of our undergraduate programs or a few — or fine, many — years into our careers, it can feel exhausting to field the steady stream of Resident Advisor questions that dissect every policy, procedure, and email. It can feel like there’s always something. Our instinct often defaults to one of two responses. “Because we said so,” or the even riskier, “because that’s the way we do things.” I understand the impulse, I really do. When you know what works (and what doesn’t) from your years of experience and you’ve already debated these decisions at length behind the scenes, you simply want everyone to lock in and do their jobs. Yet when we fall back on these answers, we miss the deeper question our RAs are really asking.
This blog series features different writers responding to the prompt, “How is the rising generation of college students changing residence life practice?”
At the end of the day, students want to understand why.
The rising generation of college students is savvy to just how malleable “norms” are in all aspects of their lives. The COVID pandemic pulled the curtain back on policy making and students saw that institutions, whether they were high schools, colleges, sporting events, whatever, could create and change policies quickly to adapt to new circumstances. The process, which we’re not going to relive in all its horror here, highlighted that truly nothing is set in stone. That shift changed student expectations, especially around previously rigid and unquestioned norms, and we can’t expect to return to a world where “because that’s what we’ve always done” satisfies anyone.
While student questions can take many shapes and forms, most of them boil down to a central premise. Why does this exist and why do we have to do it this way? Ultimately, this generation of students expects transparency and context. Taking the time to explain the why behind a policy helps build credibility with RAs. It helps them align with the mission and value behind a specific decision, beyond the mechanics of the process they’re carrying out.
As educators, we’re also helping our student employees navigate how to ask questions in the workplace, whether that’s in Residence Life or wherever their future profession takes them. We can provide clarity without sacrificing structure or boundaries. Setting expectations for questions is just as important as making space for them in the first place. First, RAs need to understand that explaining the why doesn’t imply the policy is negotiable. When preparing for these conversations, you have to decide your goal. Are you asking for feedback that might change the outcome, or are you explaining the decision so everyone has a clearer understanding? Second, the goal of explaining the why isn’t to get everyone to agree with the decision. Sometimes the real goal is clarity, even if they still don’t like the answer. That’s a completely normal outcome. I don’t like every policy either, but when I understand the safety reason behind it, I can make peace with it a lot more easily.
We will not, and should not, always be able to offer full clarity around every choice. Even so, taking the time to explain why a particular decision can’t be fully shared still has value. Some decisions are made at a higher leadership level and it’s out of our hands. Some reasoning isn’t appropriate to share with students. Sometimes the catalyst that drove the decision was sensitive and it’s “need to know.” RAs will encounter these boundaries in their future workplaces too. Explaining this shows respect, sets accurate expectations, and helps reinforce the idea that not every question opens the door to renegotiating the underlying policy.
Taking the time to explain the why also makes better RAs because it gives them the tools to confidently explain policies to residents. Nothing can undermine the success of a policy more quickly than a resident challenging an RA while they’re carrying out their role and the RA shrugging and admitting they don’t know why it exists. If we can explain the why to RAs, they are better able to explain the why to the communities they support.
Explaining the why isn’t about coddling students or justifying every decision defensively. We’re developing our RAs into a generation of professionals who can communicate their need for clarity, respect, and clear expectations. By embracing the why and engaging in conversation with, not just at, our students, we’re setting ourselves up for stronger teams, less confusion, and a shared commitment to understanding one another. Such a small question can have a huge impact when we’re actually listening for it.
